Could I possible be.......

Hello everyone. As I have recently turned 40, my worldly view is changing and I've started to become more inward-thinking, for want of a better term. You see, my Wife's best friend's little boy has recently been diagnosed with Autism and me and him have never really 'clicked' even though a lot of his traits (some of which I'll list below) are ones that I've suffered with all my life. This got me to thinking.........could I be on the autistic scale, as well? After watching the program that was aired about Chris Packham and his life dealing with Asperger's, it raised a few questions, also.   

After many conversations with GPs about feeling different and just being given antidepressants, which do nothing, I've taken a few online tests, but I thought I'd ask on here, before I dare to go back to the doctors again. Many thanks for any help. 

Here's a list of odd personalty traits that I have - was just wondering if there could be anything to them. 

Never get elated about anything
Lose things constantly
Start off understanding a task, then get confused easily.
Awful  rages
Can't handle pressure
Scared of large objects - planes, tractors, lorries, even bridges
Terrible depression - to the point of suicidal thoughts. Noticed my blinking changes as well and devolved a tick when really depressed. The depression can last for days, then just end instantly
Scared of heights
Awful train of thought (people call me magpie at work, due to being easily swayed by 'shiny' things)
Brain fog
Scared of change (same partner and job for 20 years)
Unbearable anxiety - several different meds have done nothing to quell the constant 'ache' in my head and stomach. Always worrying about the smallest things - if I'm driving a car, will I get a puncture etc.

Could happily sit on my own for days on end, with no company. 

Could spend several hours watching a TV, or on a PC. Couldn't stand to be in someone's company for that amount of time, though.  

Self sabotaging behaviour
Able to remember number plates, but can't remember phone numbers
Can't spell any words with several letters that are the same in them. And get the sequence of words wrong all the time.
Scared of intimate objects in the dark (saw a post on here about it - unsure if it's a trait, but at least I'm not the only one!)
Can't stand noise
Noticed people looking over their shoulders all the time when I speak to them, as I Iook pass people
Get fixated on something for a while (song, film, phrase) then get bored in an instant.
Have no brain mouth filter (I'd tell a stranger my darkest problems, and say things that are not for public consumption)
Sweat constantly - have done since a teenager
Self harm (punching, whipping)
Have a gait problem (limp on my LHS - Have had since my teens)
Hold on to things for far too long

Not understating the context of something correctly in conversations or written words etc
Zoning out in conversations, and very poor memory

Talking over people all the time
Compulsive personalty. Food, OTC drugs, gambling
Obsessing over things to the point of madness
Easily distracted in conversations (which no doubt comes across as rude)
Compiler of lists, but never use them (see above!)
Have to be told things several times over, for the penny to drop. Can't follow written instructions well, but can visual. Have a problem with skim reading (was diagnosed at the age of six) retain very little of what I've learnt
My wife has often told me that people don't understand my sense of humour - and she has said it can be very mickey-taking, spiteful, but I don't see it. 
Very analytical
Talk to myself constantly
Make up things in my head that never happened to fuel my rage, or revisit thing over and over
Some days it feels like I'm relearning tasks I should already know
Very, very clumsy
Struggle to get sentences out at times
Can't figure out knots, or tie my shoe laces. Or anything intricate
Grind my teeth in my sleep
Have no real compassion for others - I act interested, but find things like that a hindrance. Not even my Son.

  • Welcome to the forum.

    I make it that you have 47 examples listed there. I was diagnosed with ASD (Asperger Syndrome) a few years ago, and I scored 39 out of the 47!  I imagine that many others of the autistic adults here might well score in the 30s and 40s, too, as there are a lot of items there which are consistent with autism.

    Naturally, none of us here can tell you for sure; many of those traits are common in other conditions (some closely related to autism), and some are likely secondary effects of any condition rather than caused directly (e.g. due to high anxiety levels.) I think, though, that there is enough there that it would be worth pursuing a formal diagnosis. The kind of recurrent depressive episodes that you describe are also extremely common for pre-diagnosis autistic people; so if nothing else, it may lead you to some explanations for the underlying problems which cause them, whether it is autism or not.

    The online tests are a valuable clue too. The clinically validated ones are designed specifically for formal screening based on unprompted patient-reported data. If you take your results to your GP, do stress this; they are not just pop-psychology for Google hypochondriacs; the first stage of a formal assessment often involves filling out exactly the same tests.

    In the mean-time, have a good explore of the forum and don't be afraid to join in; there's a lot to be learned here, and from what you've said so far, I think you're sure to find some people who have some fascinating similarities.

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