Hello everyone. As I have recently turned 40, my worldly view is changing and I've started to become more inward-thinking, for want of a better term. You see, my Wife's best friend's little boy has recently been diagnosed with Autism and me and him have never really 'clicked' even though a lot of his traits (some of which I'll list below) are ones that I've suffered with all my life. This got me to thinking.........could I be on the autistic scale, as well? After watching the program that was aired about Chris Packham and his life dealing with Asperger's, it raised a few questions, also.
After many conversations with GPs about feeling different and just being given antidepressants, which do nothing, I've taken a few online tests, but I thought I'd ask on here, before I dare to go back to the doctors again. Many thanks for any help.
Here's a list of odd personalty traits that I have - was just wondering if there could be anything to them.
Never get elated about anythingLose things constantlyStart off understanding a task, then get confused easily.Awful ragesCan't handle pressureScared of large objects - planes, tractors, lorries, even bridgesTerrible depression - to the point of suicidal thoughts. Noticed my blinking changes as well and devolved a tick when really depressed. The depression can last for days, then just end instantlyScared of heightsAwful train of thought (people call me magpie at work, due to being easily swayed by 'shiny' things)Brain fogScared of change (same partner and job for 20 years)Unbearable anxiety - several different meds have done nothing to quell the constant 'ache' in my head and stomach. Always worrying about the smallest things - if I'm driving a car, will I get a puncture etc.
Could happily sit on my own for days on end, with no company.
Could spend several hours watching a TV, or on a PC. Couldn't stand to be in someone's company for that amount of time, though.
Self sabotaging behaviourAble to remember number plates, but can't remember phone numbersCan't spell any words with several letters that are the same in them. And get the sequence of words wrong all the time.Scared of intimate objects in the dark (saw a post on here about it - unsure if it's a trait, but at least I'm not the only one!)Can't stand noiseNoticed people looking over their shoulders all the time when I speak to them, as I Iook pass peopleGet fixated on something for a while (song, film, phrase) then get bored in an instant.Have no brain mouth filter (I'd tell a stranger my darkest problems, and say things that are not for public consumption)Sweat constantly - have done since a teenagerSelf harm (punching, whipping)Have a gait problem (limp on my LHS - Have had since my teens)Hold on to things for far too long
Not understating the context of something correctly in conversations or written words etcZoning out in conversations, and very poor memory
Talking over people all the timeCompulsive personalty. Food, OTC drugs, gamblingObsessing over things to the point of madnessEasily distracted in conversations (which no doubt comes across as rude)Compiler of lists, but never use them (see above!)PerfectionistHave to be told things several times over, for the penny to drop. Can't follow written instructions well, but can visual. Have a problem with skim reading (was diagnosed at the age of six) retain very little of what I've learntMy wife has often told me that people don't understand my sense of humour - and she has said it can be very mickey-taking, spiteful, but I don't see it. Very analyticalTalk to myself constantlyMake up things in my head that never happened to fuel my rage, or revisit thing over and overSome days it feels like I'm relearning tasks I should already knowVery, very clumsyStruggle to get sentences out at timesCan't figure out knots, or tie my shoe laces. Or anything intricateGrind my teeth in my sleepHave no real compassion for others - I act interested, but find things like that a hindrance. Not even my Son.
Broken Saint said:consumption
I’ve been diagnosed about 3 years ago now I’m 47 ive had it bad this weekend of 15 &16 I’m having a massive meltdown.Didnt know what to do with myself I went wandering outside at 9pm to get some fresh air but didn’t work,I really wanted to smash my place up but didn’t,I get so angry for no reason lost total interest in everything went to bed to sleep it off usually works but I still feel the same on Sunday.Doing the things I usually enjoy listening to plays by Big Finish Productions they are awesome they keep me relaxed and steady
Hi everyone. Sorry for the delay in replying - it's taken a long time to pluck up the courage to see a GP.........and, I wish I hadn't bothered!
I went in full of hope, with all of the information that I had been given here and the scores from the online tests - the GP just thumbed through them and gave me an assessment form for ADHD (WTF!) and then said fill it in and he'd pass it on, but as mental health is a bit limited for older patients he's unsure of if it would help.
I'm on the floor here. Ever since I told my Wife about what I was feeling, she's used it as a stick to beat me with and now this. Just at a loss.
oh that must have been gutting...is there perhaps another GP you could see to ask for a 2nd opinion?
It depends on your area sadly, you may have to pay privately. My GP told me theres no funding in our area but she tried anyway and it came back to go private. I'm really struggling and always have. I'd like a diagnosis to know why I've struggled and been through all that I have in life, to be able to post on forums if I'm on the spectrum as at the moment I feel I dont belong
Hi Broken Saint, I've just read through this thread and it looks likely you are on the autism spectrum. I was asked by the GP I saw why I wanted a referral because I wouldn't get any support afterwards - and he was a mental health specialist who analysed my AQ rest results and agreed with my self diagnosis. I thought about it for a while and decided not to bother, as it wouldn't change anything. But I started to read and research what makes me different to neurotypical people, and how to manage anxiety. I can recommend 3 books - "Sane New World" by Ruby Wax has ideas for managing anxiety and depression, "Am I Autistic" by Lydia Andal is a guide to self diagnosis for adults, and "A Field Guide to Earthlings" by Ian Ford explains how neurotypical brains work (and how this is different to autistic brains), so has helped me make sense of other people to some extent.
Trogluddite has already given some great advice, and I would reiterate that forums like this can be a great comfort if you're struggling, even just reading about people who share your problems or have overcome similar things can help. Keep posting if you have more questions or stuff you want to discuss.
Hi Mouse2, just wanted to say - post on here whenever you like, we're very inclusive & non judgemental. This is a supportive place for "officially" diagnosed, self diagnosed and just maybe autistic people. We're all different & all on a journey of discovery.