Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
Does anyone else's idea of an ideal life partner include it to be a part-time arrangement? It's just occurred to me that this would probably a great outcome for me! Trust, loyalty and fidelity but only seeing each other half the week. Or is this yet another area where I'm a bit quirky?
I'm 4 months in to a new relationship that feels great the vast majority of the time. But we're at the conversation point where my past 3 relationships had got to right before they failed... the dreaded "I want to see you more often" and "what do you think about us living together eventually" conversations.
Right now we see each other every weekend Saturday morning to late Sunday night, and one night after work/sleep over and leave early the next day.
The thought of spending more time together feels too suffocating. I mean, I need to do food shopping and see my other friends and frankly just have alone time at home... alone, or do whatever I want to do in the moment, or be happy doing stuff or just being, in silence.
The fact that it's the 3rd time this has happened (technically this one is still happening) in the last 2 years has caused me to question whether it will always be so. Indeed I now realise that my previous 12 year marriage (to someone who frequently worked away and we had different hobbies), and long term relationships x2 (when I was a consultant and working away 4 days a week, i.e. had 3 evenings a week alone in a hotel) were in fact part-time life partners. That hadn't occurred to me before but now seems blindingly obvious - the joy of hindsight.
Does anyone else think a part-time life-partner would suit them? Has anyone on here made that work? Pros/Cons?
all thoughts and musing very welcome, thank you.
Daisy
Any sort of relationship can work if both parties want the same thing, and this is known at the start.
A part time (or for that matter long distance, or separate houses, or even multi-partner) relationship can work. But the parties involved must know this in the first place. If you want a part time monagomous relationship, that is fine, but you have to have the same trust as in any other relationship. If that trust is broken, then any relationship will begin to falter.
There are relationships and marriages that survive living on different continents, or that are involved with not living together but seeing each other regularly, and sometimes these survive better than traditional relationships. They have the advantage of not having to continually put up with others bad habits for long periods, and I would imagine there is the 'excitement' of looking forward to the next meeting.
Living together is not for everyone.
Thanks Trainspotter, great input. Trust is never the issue - I'm trustworthy and I trust until someone gives me cause to doubt then I don't get jealous I get decisive! ;-)
I didn't know it at the start, but I guess knowing it now when we're only 4 months in gives us both an opportunity to decide if/how we want to go on from here. I suspect that there are other reasons why it (relationship) won't work but that's a separate matter.
I feel strangely liberated just by noticing I don't have to have cohabiting as an expectation of a relationship - of course it remains to find someone with a similar outlook but hey ho, ever the optimist :-)