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helping teenagers to develop everyday skills

Pauli

Hi

My son is 15 and was diagnosed with Aspergers at 9. Secondary school has proved difficult for him. He suffered severe depression and was suicidal last year.After input from the Psychiatrist and a year out at a small private school my son has decided that he wants to try mainstream secondary again as he wants to go to uni and knows that he needs to get used to bigger,noisier environments. I have been taking him on bus journeys and train journeys in an attempt to help him get used to public places. He is trying so hard but it stresses him out so much. The mum side of me just wants to say " sod it! I am not going to put my "baby" through this !" But the more sensible side tells me I should be helping him to cope with it all. Am I doing too much too soon? Should I just leave it for now? Any advice gratefully received.

Parents

  • Hi Pauli, I have Aspergers too, only I was diagnosed at the end of last year aged 17 (the psychologist was amazed no one had noticed I had it all these years, goes to show how much effort goes into the quiet kids).

    I also have trouble with noisy environments, throughout high school I used to hide in the library.

    I think he should stay at his private school until he reaches colledge/6th form, because that in itself is a big step into adulthood, also, I found that year 12 and 13 were the years my peers, who used to take pleasure humiliating or bullying me, finally started growing up, and were generally nicer to be around, annoying, but far more tolerable.

    I have to ask, are you taking him on bus journeys etc just because, or are you going somewhere? I always freak out and get frustrated if I'm dragged on public transport without a goal in mind. I can handle walking to the high street and back as long as I have a place to go to or something to get.

    Also, I'd recommend attatchment objects, I never go out without a hoodie (with sleeves, without, doesn't matter), a necklace, and akeyring with a lot of fur tails/scraps hanging from it that I can play with. Having these constants helps me keep calm in a lot of new situations that usually sends me running for the nearest exit. Recently, my mum got me a new phone with gps on it, so I can always know where I am in case I get lost (a big fear of mine). Perhaps you can encourage your son to start with more relaxing public areas, like the park? Then you can progress to having him join you when you go shopping, i.e. have him push the trolley or find things you need that week.

    Best of luck,

    Katie.

Reply

  • Hi Pauli, I have Aspergers too, only I was diagnosed at the end of last year aged 17 (the psychologist was amazed no one had noticed I had it all these years, goes to show how much effort goes into the quiet kids).

    I also have trouble with noisy environments, throughout high school I used to hide in the library.

    I think he should stay at his private school until he reaches colledge/6th form, because that in itself is a big step into adulthood, also, I found that year 12 and 13 were the years my peers, who used to take pleasure humiliating or bullying me, finally started growing up, and were generally nicer to be around, annoying, but far more tolerable.

    I have to ask, are you taking him on bus journeys etc just because, or are you going somewhere? I always freak out and get frustrated if I'm dragged on public transport without a goal in mind. I can handle walking to the high street and back as long as I have a place to go to or something to get.

    Also, I'd recommend attatchment objects, I never go out without a hoodie (with sleeves, without, doesn't matter), a necklace, and akeyring with a lot of fur tails/scraps hanging from it that I can play with. Having these constants helps me keep calm in a lot of new situations that usually sends me running for the nearest exit. Recently, my mum got me a new phone with gps on it, so I can always know where I am in case I get lost (a big fear of mine). Perhaps you can encourage your son to start with more relaxing public areas, like the park? Then you can progress to having him join you when you go shopping, i.e. have him push the trolley or find things you need that week.

    Best of luck,

    Katie.

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