I have recently been told by my employer that I sometimes respond sharply to my colleague, this is normally when I'm trying to do other tasks. I dont mean to be rude is this my Aspergers or am I rude I am trying to alter my behaviour but find it difficult.
I make mistakes like that too. For me it's the other way round; sometimes I may ask for help or I'm answering a question, then the other person interrupts me (also speaking sharply or angrily) when I'm half way through explaining! This is very frustrating for me and I don't understand how the other person gets away with it!
Especially when they interrupt, then try to finish my sentence for me - but with something utterly different to what I was going to say! Then I get even more flummoxed, so that even I can't work out what it was that I was going to say!
Plastic said:I have no idea what I sound like when speaking. It has been said that I can be a bit blunt. The more frustrated I get with people, the more blunt I become.
One tip for hearing what you sound like is blocking one ear when speaking, and going off that adjusting the pitch, tone and volume of your voice ~ which can be habituated to remain at a particular level with a bit of practice.
Ah, I've noticed that sometimes there seems to be another game afoot:
somtimes people might want you to own an issue, including taking all the blame if things go wrong.
The game seems to run like this:
They ask you about something.
You talk **** like so many NTs do
They are pleased that you are now on the hook, having declared that whatever it is shall be possible /delivered on time etc.
Later, they can say it's all your fault if things go badly.
But by telling the truth rather than telling lies, they can't as easily make you responsible for something that is full of risk. Typically it means that they themselves are stuck with carrying the risk, (maybe because they already, stupidly, declared the thing to be possible to someone else?). Until they can find some other gullible sucker to pin the issue on, it is them in the cross-hairs, not you.
You're describing the inherent cost of context switching.
DongFeng5 said:The game seems to run like this:They ask you about something. You talk **** like so many NTs doThey are pleased that you are now on the hook, having declared that whatever it is shall be possible /delivered on time etc. Later, they can say it's all your fault if things go badly.
This Social Game, is called "Now I've Got You You Son of a B i t c h" (NIGYYSB) in terms of Transactional Analysis (TA).
The game involves Mr white hiring Mr Black to do a set job at a certain price by fixed date, and in certain knowledge that Mr Black will not be able to complete the contracted task ~ in the allotted for time-frame.
Mr white gets a cut price job done, as any costs after the contracted job completion date ~ become Mr Black's problem.
P.S. The Game of NIGYYSB involes the game of Blemish ~ which is essentially defamation of character for desired effect.
U shouldn’t have to “change your behaviour” if anything, if they know you aspergers than they should be making adjustments to support u. Ie pulling the person u spoke to a side and explain to them that it’s not ur intention to speak sharply or to hurt their feelings and to take it with a pinch of salt
Stevie1975 said:I was also made to apologize still unsure what I did
In a way then it's not resolved. Part of an apology is to say you won't do something again. If you don't know what you're not supposed to do, then it's unhelpful to both people.
I can think of one or two incidents where I've had this. Basically someone NT, knowing I'm autistic, has expressed only an emotion, being upset or uncomfortable, in reaction to something I'd said. They couldn't tell me why they felt that emotion, nor how they would like me to behave differently. I would probably have been happy to amend my behaviour if I'd known, but basically had to accept this.
So one can either go with some working hypothesis about being 'sharp' (for example, you expressed the need to be alone when they needed acceptance themselves, or gave an answer, without any 'frills' when they needed knowledge and an expression of equality); or try to get more information. If it's potentially all water under the bridge, you may not want to take the risk of aggravating the situation further by approaching the colleague directly or boss to mediate. Ideally it would be the colleague, but I wonder if you have spoken about it to people you trust yet to see if they recognise this 'sharpness' in you.