Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi ro all. I am a 56 years old and I was diagnosed with Aspergers 8 years ago. I have a daughter and I have been with my husband for 30 years. My husband took the diagnosis very badly and decided that a reltionship between an aspie and an NT was bound to fail. I went to a therapist and I worked rally hard to adjust my behaviour to his needs and wants. To no avail. After all this time, he has decided to separate. I am devastated as I dont have many friends to support me and my family refuses my diagnosis and they never understood me. I also have been physically disabled for the last 3 years due to an accident and I have an auto immune disease. I have lways suffered from anxiety and depression but now they are out of control. My husband says he loves me but cannot live with me and wants to live his own life. He says he wants to remain my closest friend but I am devastated. I cannot understand what he wants. Has anyone gone through a separation or has lost a relationship because they were autustic?
Your husband sounds incredibly narrow-minded and weak. He stayed with someone who he didn't think was suitable for 30 years in the hope that you would change to fit how he wanted you to be. Once his life was no longer comfortable for him (probably because of your other disabilities and you needing to help him rather than being the other way round) he got up and left with the cruellest of reasons - I'm leaving as I don't like you as you, when you've always been this way. It sounds like your better off without him. At least he's now set you free so (if you want to) you can go off and find someone who truly loves you.
I agree with others that you should be cautious about being friends. Maybe you will be friends but statistically its unlikely and he's already said he doesn't think NT and autistic people go well together. It could help to take a black and white view of this from now and ensure that everything is split evenly, employing support such as a lawyer sounds very sensible.
I split with my partner at Xmas and a contributing factor was due to his mother's reaction to my diagnosis in Oct - she told him he'd be better off with someone normal. It was tough at the time but 8 months later I'm the happiest I've ever been.
:( it does seem us auties can be given the leper badge. Do you think they worry it’s contagious or just a bother? I exist mainly mute but functionally useful to those NTs I encounter that way they leave me alone in the main
well done you for finding yourself in a better place.
. said::( it does seem us auties can be given the leper badge. Do you think they worry it’s contagious or just a bother?
Disgust as a Disease-Avoidance Mechanism
Abstract
Many researchers have claimed that the emotion of disgust functions to protect us from disease. Although there have been several discussions of this hypothesis, none have yet reviewed the evidence in its entirety. The authors derive 14 hypotheses from a disease-avoidance account and evaluate the evidence for each, drawing upon research on pathogen avoidance in animals and empirical research on disgust. In all but 1 case, the evidence favors a disease-avoidance account. It is suggested that disgust is evoked by objects/people that possess particular types of prepared features that connote disease. Such simple disgust are directly disease related, are acquired during childhood, and are able to contaminate other objects/people. The complex disgust, which emerge later in development, may be mediated by several emotions. In these cases, violations of societal norms that may subserve a disease-avoidance function, notably relating to food and sex, act as reminders of simple disgust elicitors and thus generate disgust and motivate compliance. The authors find strong support for a disease-avoidance account and suggest that it offers a way to bridge the divide between concrete and ideational accounts of disgust.
Oaten, Megan & J Stevenson, Richard & Case, Trevor. (2009).
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/24170514_Disgust_as_a_Disease-Avoidance_Mechanism .
Well, that was an interesting read!
So, Hypothesis 6 seems to fit the bill. It’s all about the metaphorical toothbrush!