Just had a massive meltdown at work

SciFiGreg said:

Once my brain notices what I perceive to be a pattern negative behaviors, toxic behaviors or in-competencies it starts essentially creating a database of infractions until it gets to a point where I have a meltdown because I just don't understand how these things are allowed to continue.

I do this Greg, I wish I didn't as it causes me no end of problems. Mine can end in a meltdown but more usually a shutdown and me shutting that part of my life out completely. I've done this with friends, relationships, work, bands all sorts. In a way sensory overload plays its part as I cannot stand the feelings intense associated with conflict, which is something I deal with really badly. Depending on the severity it can take days, weeks or even months for me to get over one of these episodes.

They read the recommendations on here and have implemented them but it's really more about the culture of incompetence, mismanagement, managerial entitlement and them not accepting responsibility for these things - instead choosing to blame the guy at the bottom of the hierarchy.

Also my dept manager has made it pretty clear that he doesn't understand my condition and views it as an excuse rather than what it really is... an explanation.

We have a new CEO who is bringing in a replacement for my dept manager soon who will also be managing prof services so there is light at the tunnel, it's just a manner of whether I can survive during the transition and also whether or not they want me back given how direct I was during my meeting, I was super angry and told him exactly how I feel about him and the company in no uncertain terms.

Him being so dismissive of my condition didn't help matters either.

What reasonable adjustments do you think might help at work?

SciFiGreg said:

Once my brain notices what I perceive to be a pattern negative behaviors, toxic behaviors or in-competencies it starts essentially creating a database of infractions until it gets to a point where I have a meltdown because I just don't understand how these things are allowed to continue.

Is this sensory overload?

I'm not affected by lights or sounds, just peoples behavior.

Morning SciFiGreg

Hope you are feeling in a slightly better place this morning and have had a chance to talk things over with your partner.

The fact that you have disclosed and your company is disregarding this put them on a sticky wicket.  You also need regular meetings in order to have opportunity to talk through the things that have aggravated you so that they do not build up into a melt down tsunami!

The quote above... the end result is sensory overload with your brain hyper-processing all the things that have irritated you or go against your internal aspie logic. Not medically qualified myself but I would say the cause is being p***ed off, the outcome meltdown.

They've followed advice on reasonable adjustments in terms of clear written instructions and letting me isolate myself when I need to but cannot immediately address issues with management, organization, communication and the current culture of superiority that many managers enjoy - which is what results in my frustration and anxiety.

We have a new CEO who's currently restructuring the business so my current boss will be gone soon and the manager replacing him will be addressing issues with another department (prof services) so hopefully the current culture of incompetents coasting on the good work of the peons will change.

If it doesn't I'll just end up back here again, which is no good for anyone.

I also become defensive, isolated and irritable.

Note: However, neither an employee, nor an employer, has the right to record a meeting – unless both parties agree to the recording. It's unlikely that many employers would agree to this (as it's unlikely that most Employers disciplinary procedures or grievance procedures would expressly allow this).

https://www.crunch.co.uk/knowledge/employment/can-i-or-my-employer-audio-record-a-disciplinary-or-grievance-meeting/

Hence having a note taker, bringing evidence and calmly being able to call an end to the meeting if you start to feel agitated

How about your partner? You’re allowed to bring your partner in during employment tribunals so I don’t see why not in this case? Would that help? Alternatively you could record

Yeah but he's unlikely to get involved and is also of the same mentality.

I feel your pain.

This is a constant theme for me, prolonged exposure to such environments inevitably end badly.

All I want to do is go to work and do a good job, everyone's happy.

I don't get office politics and some peoples behaviour and incompetences.

I'm not saying I'm perfect, clearly that ain't true but jeez what is up what some people.

Just allow me to do my job as best I can without being a douche and at least do your job to a decent standard.

I know departments are under resourced including prof services but it's a consistent pattern and it's highly irritating, especially when the guy has the cheek to nick my vehicle back just so he could have a comfy ride.

I don't care what I drive as long as it's not a Transit. Unfortunately the only thing available was the Merc.

Clear the slate before the new management arrives 

SciFiGreg said:

I told him directly that his behavior isn't helping and when he labelled me a "victim" I told him I find that incredibly insulting.

When was this... as this is a key statement. You need a mediation meeting, not a disciplinary meeting. Push for that. Asking for mediation also means that you want a resolution to improve relations. BUT... and this is key.......

YOU ARE NOT ADMITTING GUILT OR LIABILITY just seeking a resolution going forward. By all means if it fits state that you have the wisdom of hindsight but have a log of incidents to show you’ve been stonewalled, mismanaged.

i work in computing sometimes managers don’t engage because they don’t get tech speak or you’ve been doing such a great job that you are loosely managed

What are you like outside of work or is it just work that pushes the buttons? You NEED representation in the meeting? Do you have a colleague who would go in with you.

im worried that they will push you as being “voiltile” and that staff are intimidated by you. How much of the previous conversations do you remember? The escalation? Can you remember enough to write a statement? .. and the logic behind how you responded.

Not trying to freak you out, covering bases.. 

Processing your reply

first thoughts...not digested all yet..

1. do you have any witnesses to the statement about playing the autism card.. ? Doesn’t matter if you don’t as they can ask him directly but witnesses help
2. dont diagnose him as on the spectrum....you’re not medically qualified ...and nowadays it’s still used as a trolling insult... leave it well alone! It’s a can of worms 

Once my brain notices what I perceive to be a pattern negative behaviors, toxic behaviors or in-competencies it starts essentially creating a database of infractions until it gets to a point where I have a meltdown because I just don't understand how these things are allowed to continue.

Is this sensory overload?

I'm not affected by lights or sounds, just peoples behavior.

1. Yes - although my dept manager said that I can't hide behind my condition or play it as a "card".

I understand I have a responsibility to try and deal with my issues if I want to avoid this type of thing but he thinks that these things are made up.

He also needs to take a look at himself as I'm certain he's an Aspie too but is unaware.

I told him directly that his behavior isn't helping and when he labelled me a "victim" I told him I find that incredibly insulting.

2. Nope - never have one to ones - the professional services department do have some meetings with our department but I've never had a prep meeting for my WiFi projects just you're going to City X on X date - no info on what hardware I need, historically no vehicle [although they did for Epping but they had to hire a car especially], no site maps so I can plan where to place access points.

For Epping I had to ask for the address - it's just a joke.

3. Yes. Another staff member from the department. He wanted to bring in the finance manager / HR rep but she's bullied me in the past, or least my line manager told me she was weaponizing my mental health - making complaints about me spending long periods in isolation in the test rooms or commenting about how my behavior is getting worse because I challenge her hypocrisy and abrasiveness.

I freaked out and said no way, YOU'RE NOT EVEN AWARE OF MY HISTORY WITH HER ARE YOU??? NO WAY. SHE'S BIASED, I DON'T WANT HER INVOLVED.


4. There is no HR rep other than the one I mentioned above.

5. First time I was triggered by some douche client that I'd done a favor for by packaging an updated app ASAP then he wanted to implement app logging via the registry when the app came with tools for what he wanted so he was being condescending to me on the phone and I was trying to advise him but he just got on my nerves massively and I ended up punching the crap out of a phone and booting a box.

Second time was when the finance manager, after going around being a douche while implementing a new procedure, decided her department was too busy to get stock for a member of the helpdesk so sent him my way, when I challenged her she was abrasive then came down to explain that she asked me as I'm helpful, then went and told my line manager she was watching my monitors and could see I wasn't working.

I complained to my dept manager, probably in quite an intense manner but he fobbed me off telling me that she knows the process and doesn't need me to tell her that she's ignoring it and that it's her own problem. So that set me off because he just wasn't getting it.

Today he told me he thought that reaction was because I wasn't getting my way, in that I wanted him to tell her off.

I hate blatant hypocrisy, which I guess is understandable growing up in a strict religious environment.

Third time was this morning when someone asked me how I was in the work kitchen which made me start playing everything over in my head again - halfway through the conversation my dept manager walks into the kitchen an opens a cabinet apparently getting tea bags but I interpreted it was him snooping which set me off.

His behavior is erratic, sometimes he's amiable and other times he's condescending - his behavior sometimes seems designed to demotivate his personality alone is enough to irritate me but to have him question my competence after not giving me adequate support was just the final straw.

So yeah, I got shouty with him and he apparently thought I was going to punch him - which I'd never do btw, even to him.

I'm triggered mostly by people being unreasonable, illogical or just plain douches, like the HR rep who most people dislike because of her manipulative, lying, entitled behavior.

In my past experiences of managing staff it can an excellent practice for all staff not just those on the spectrum.. 

Relationships are key as well as knowing your staff. 

Also remember autism is covered under the Equality Act, so an employer is obliged to consider requests to make reasonable adjustments.

https://www.tuc.org.uk/sites/default/files/Autism.pdf

Wow, this thread has struck a chord with me.  I can only express my sympathies as I know all too well what it is like to work for a company that is badly managed and condones people throwing their weight around and ducking and diving.

It seems this type of work environment is more common sadly and I moved to escape some issues you listed above only to be presented with others in my current role.  You can probably relate for the need to have clear plans and expectations in place so their is time to process and understand what needs to be achieved at what stage and any other actions that may have been overlooked.

Ellie's recommendations above are all worthy, but my experience is that their is a real lack of understanding of ASD and as you say, it is often seen as an excuse to cover inadequacies, when in fact it is further from the truth.

I have a poor relationship with my boss and for me to thrive in the workplace I need someone who can work with my idiosyncrasies - that doesn't mean bending over-backwards for me or patting me on the back every five minutes, which some have failed to interpret that way.  I need clear goals and expectations, I need someone to be upfront with me if there is a problem and to be realistic.  I have had two bosses (I have had maybe a dozen or more throughout my working life) that have managed to get the best out of me, one even managed to figure out exactly how I tick and managed me beautifully through all sorts of messy situations - people like him though are rare.

I would approach the meeting by being clear that you want to thrive in your role, but need some clear guidance to do that and realistic deadlines to work to (anyone will struggle without that, let alone with ASD).

In fact I am going to use Ellie's suggestions above with my HR department as my working relationship with my boss isn't working, so we either need to make it work or I need to find another job as the stress of working in a chaotic environment with no objectives or clear leadership is unbearable for me.

You would think these sorts of things would be addressed for everyone regardless of needs as a bare minimum for running a work environment!

Footnote:

Below is the employer guidance from NAS which is posted on the site:

Top tips

• Clarify expectations of the job. You may need to be more explicit about your expectations for an autistic member of staff. As well as the job description, you need to explain the etiquette and unwritten rules of the workplace. Make it clear that any adaptations for them in the workplace are there to help them keep doing their job well, not because they are not good enough.
• Provide training and monitoring. Clear and structured training is invaluable. This can be provided informally on the job, by a manager, colleagues or a mentor, or may take the form of more formal training. Various organisations and schemes offer job coaches, and funding for this form of training may be available from the Department of Work and Pensions. Our Employment Training Service can provide more information.
• Make sure instructions are concise and specific. Try to give the your employee clear instructions right from the start about exactly how to carry out each task, from start to finish, as this will lay the foundations for good working practices. Don’t assume the person will infer your meaning from informal instructions – for example, rather than saying 'Give everybody a copy of this', say 'Make three photocopies of this, and give one each to Sam, Mary and Ahmed'. You may also choose to provide written instructions. It can be helpful to ask the person to repeat back instructions so you are sure they have understood.
• Ensure the work environment is well-structured. Some autistic people need a fairly structured work environment. You can help by working with them to prioritise activities, organising tasks into a timetable for daily, weekly and monthly activities, and breaking larger tasks into small steps. Some people will appreciate precise information about start and finish times, and help getting into a routine with breaks and lunches.
• Regularly review performance. As with any employee, line managers should have regular one-to-one meetings with the person to discuss and review performance and give overall comments and suggestions. For an autistic staff member, brief, frequent reviews may be better than longer sessions at less frequent intervals.
• Provide sensitive but direct feedback. Autistic people often find it difficult to pick up on social cues, so make sure your feedback is honest, constructive and consistent. If they complete a task incorrectly, don't allude to, or imply, any problems – instead, explain tactfully but clearly why it is wrong, check that they have understood, and set out exactly what they should do instead. Be aware that they may have low self-esteem or experience of being bullied, so ensure that any criticism is sensitive, and give positive feedback wherever appropriate.
• Provide reassurance in stressful situations. Autistic people can be quite meticulous, and can become anxious if their performance is not perfect. This means they may become very stressed in a situation such as an IT failure. You can help by giving concrete solutions to these situations – for example, by explaining "If the photocopier breaks, use the one on the third floor." Similarly, reassure them that if they occasionally arrive late due to transport problems or other unpreventable factors, this is not a problem. Your employee may benefit from having a mentor or buddy in the workplace – an empathetic colleague who they can go to if they are feeling stressed, anxious or confused.
• Support your staff member to prepare for changes. Give information about changes to the workplace or tasks well in advance.
• Ask about sensory distractions. Autistic employees sometimes benefit from things like screens around their desk, noise-cancelling headphones, or their desk being in the corner.
• Help other staff to be more aware. If your autistic employee consents to their condition being disclosed, then providing colleagues with information and guidance on autism can benefit everyone. Sometimes the employee may find it helpful to write a document for other staff explaining what their colleagues can do to support them. You could consider staff training, or our online modules.