Published on 12, July, 2020
I work in IT support in a relatively senior position and my current role is based at a company that has a culture of mismanagement and blame, where certain incompetent managers have coasted along for a long time while the "minions" with a good work ethic pick up the pieces and make sure projects / services / fixes are delivered.Certain others are quite abrasive and like to throw their weight around but don't like it when challenged and will bully / attempt to force out those that do - all of which said management are blissfully unaware of, or just ignore.Recently I was given the role of specialist in relation to some WiFi equipment we provide to a few clients as the previous expert had left the company for similar reasons to why I ended up having a meltdown today.During this project I've had to constantly chase a member of the professional services department that should be managing the following aspects of it:
Add to that the fact that for the last install I did, which was in Birmingham, no-one had booked a vehicle so I had to contact a manager who requisitioned me one, only for that to be taken back by this member of prof. services who then forced me to drive a Transit van rather than give up the company Mercedes when I was the only person going and had no cargo.This to me makes very little sense, I find it likely that he clawed it back just because he wanted a comfy ride. The other two members of staff he was going with were taking another smaller van but if they've used the Transit all passengers along with cargo would have been transported efficiently.Instead they give me a massive van I have no experience driving which ends up getting scratched as I have to navigate multi-story car parks in it.More recently I'd been assigned a job elsewhere to install and configure their Wi-Fi solution but as usual the company assigned me a bunch of other things to do which supposedly took priority, the other things turned out to be way more complex to complete and so a solution wasn't found for over a week and involved senior development staff.A colleague and I booked two appointments to sit down and plan the installation but because of the unexpected and complex issues with my initial task we simply didn't have time.So now issues have arisen with the installation and now according to my line manager my competence has been called into question by my department manager, who has instructed my line manager to now manage a this project.This morning in the kitchen at work a member of staff asked me how I was, which sent me off on a rant. Halfway though my department manager walks into the kitchen [apparently looking for tea bags], which I perceive as an attempt to covertly monitor my rant so I let rip on him and became quite shouty and intense to a point where he apparently thought I was going to punch him.I'm just tired of all the backstabbling, pointless politics, the air of superiority that certain managers [including him] give off.Basically things have been building up for the past month or two because I've been placed in an environment of absolute chaos and have been expected to deliver perfection, plus my dept manager insists on professional standards and yet behaves like a petulant child in certain scenarios.I think he's an Aspie himself if I'm honest as I've noticed a number of traits included a complete lack of awareness of how his behavior destroys others' morale and have informed him of this to his face.I spent an hour and a half in a non-formal meeting basically telling him everything that's bothering me and he stated that I can't hide behind my condition and that I can't pull that card.At the same time he apparently wants a happy work environment but is completely unaware of the fact that it's currently toxic to a point where a significant number of people have left or want to leave in the near future. I told him to go speak to the rest of my team and answer the question "why does half the helpdesk want to leave?"It's a bit odd in that he presents ASC traits and yet subscribes to the view that behavioral issues such as mine are made up and are just a meaningless label.I challenged him on what he knows about my condition - he knows only what he's briefly read a few paragraphs on from this site.The guy seriously annoys me - sometimes he's amiable and you think he's alright and the next time he'll be dismissive, condescending or petulant so then I think why do I even bother.I went home for the afternoon and we're having a meeting next Tuesday morning to discuss my future. Initially I was going to leave but after discussing it at length with my missus I've decided to try private counselling / CBT (I had a bad experience with a NHS recommend counselor, who just wound me up because she didn't seem to offer anything constructive), as long as my department manager agrees to take long hard look at himself as well.New management is starting soon so he'll be gone so I kind of wish I was able to bottle it but he makes me so angry I just couldn't control myself.
Well that just made me more angry.
It was only an investigative meeting where I essentially went over what happened leading up to the "meeting" on Friday but based on the infractions listed and a few observations made during todays meeting I found myself growing more frustrated and was quite combative toward an observer that made a couple of comments about respect and the cause of my mental health deteriorating over the past few months.
These are the infractions I'm accused of:
intimidatory conduct (verbal) towards a fellow employee on company premises
insubordinate behaviour of such a degree as to being incompatible with the relationship of employer and employee
And how did you respond to that in the meeting and was there a note taker?
I was frustrated that once again I had to explain what I'd been telling various members of my team and my line manager over the past couple of months, as well as my department manager and the observer who I'd explained why I feel I'm where I'm now at, on Friday.
There was a note taker, I call him the observer.
My line manager reassured me on the way out that there's no bias or intent involved at this stage but my perception that they're not seeing the whole picture is what frustrated me, plus the observers remarks about respecting superiors, which I rebuffed by stating the respect is earned and not an entitlement just because you happen to hold a senior position.
The fact that I came off of anti-drpresants a few months back was also discussed as a being a potential factor. IT could well be but it seems awfully coincidental that my mental health begins to decline when my new WiFi specialist role forces me to work with the most disorganised department in the company for a protracted period but perhaps the two are indeed connected. Out of the side effects listed on the NHS website, I suffered dizziness and electrical impulses in my hands.
At any rate I'll be in contact with my GP, I apparently shouldn't have gone cold turkey when stopping Sertraline (100mg), although the side effects don't match my current state, which seems to be directly affected by work, as evidenced by how I felt today.
Both staff involved in the meeting were accommodating enough but I just found myself becoming more frustrated and angry because of my perception that based on the charges and comments of one of them I felt they didn't necessarily understand the whole picture.
Yeah we already discussed that prior to my meltdown and that's how the next job would've been approached.Unfortunately Fridays' trigger has brought my entire "neural database" out to play, so historic [and most likely irrelevant to the outside observer] information is now being used as evidence in my case when attempting to communicate why I'm feeling so angry, anxious and defensive.Management there like to play the superiority game but they seemingly are unable to see how all these smaller details factor into the bigger picture.I don't understand for example how on one hand my dept manager tells me he wants a happy working environment and then seemingly goes out of his way to demotivate and [poorly] manipulate people.He manipulated a member of my team on the very day he made that statement, so he clearly DOES have sense of entitlement and superiority AND doesn't respect this staff - such blatant hypocrisy annoys me massively.
There's a thread in your longer answer above - being let down at the last moment and being left holding the baby. You could have a chat with your line manager about not being put in uncomfortable situations by others and not being given the vital information you need to do your job - can you get him to play 'big brother' for you and say to the others that unless jobs are presented in order, his staff (you) are not prepared to embark on the job. It would immediately demonstrate the other department's imcompetence - lots of people could be CCed on the e-mails to show where the problems really are.
Tbf I don't think I helped my case much as I was very defensive and quite angry but I told them why I was frustrated so if they don't understand that, that's their problem.
They could survive without me, I'm not a key member of staff.
It's a cultural thing, one that will take time to change but I'm not sure I'm willing to stick around to see happen.
The two staff members in the meeting were accommodating enough, my line manager clearly didn't want to be chairing it as we get on well but he had a job to do.