Published on 12, July, 2020
I work in IT support in a relatively senior position and my current role is based at a company that has a culture of mismanagement and blame, where certain incompetent managers have coasted along for a long time while the "minions" with a good work ethic pick up the pieces and make sure projects / services / fixes are delivered.Certain others are quite abrasive and like to throw their weight around but don't like it when challenged and will bully / attempt to force out those that do - all of which said management are blissfully unaware of, or just ignore.Recently I was given the role of specialist in relation to some WiFi equipment we provide to a few clients as the previous expert had left the company for similar reasons to why I ended up having a meltdown today.During this project I've had to constantly chase a member of the professional services department that should be managing the following aspects of it:
Add to that the fact that for the last install I did, which was in Birmingham, no-one had booked a vehicle so I had to contact a manager who requisitioned me one, only for that to be taken back by this member of prof. services who then forced me to drive a Transit van rather than give up the company Mercedes when I was the only person going and had no cargo.This to me makes very little sense, I find it likely that he clawed it back just because he wanted a comfy ride. The other two members of staff he was going with were taking another smaller van but if they've used the Transit all passengers along with cargo would have been transported efficiently.Instead they give me a massive van I have no experience driving which ends up getting scratched as I have to navigate multi-story car parks in it.More recently I'd been assigned a job elsewhere to install and configure their Wi-Fi solution but as usual the company assigned me a bunch of other things to do which supposedly took priority, the other things turned out to be way more complex to complete and so a solution wasn't found for over a week and involved senior development staff.A colleague and I booked two appointments to sit down and plan the installation but because of the unexpected and complex issues with my initial task we simply didn't have time.So now issues have arisen with the installation and now according to my line manager my competence has been called into question by my department manager, who has instructed my line manager to now manage a this project.This morning in the kitchen at work a member of staff asked me how I was, which sent me off on a rant. Halfway though my department manager walks into the kitchen [apparently looking for tea bags], which I perceive as an attempt to covertly monitor my rant so I let rip on him and became quite shouty and intense to a point where he apparently thought I was going to punch him.I'm just tired of all the backstabbling, pointless politics, the air of superiority that certain managers [including him] give off.Basically things have been building up for the past month or two because I've been placed in an environment of absolute chaos and have been expected to deliver perfection, plus my dept manager insists on professional standards and yet behaves like a petulant child in certain scenarios.I think he's an Aspie himself if I'm honest as I've noticed a number of traits included a complete lack of awareness of how his behavior destroys others' morale and have informed him of this to his face.I spent an hour and a half in a non-formal meeting basically telling him everything that's bothering me and he stated that I can't hide behind my condition and that I can't pull that card.At the same time he apparently wants a happy work environment but is completely unaware of the fact that it's currently toxic to a point where a significant number of people have left or want to leave in the near future. I told him to go speak to the rest of my team and answer the question "why does half the helpdesk want to leave?"It's a bit odd in that he presents ASC traits and yet subscribes to the view that behavioral issues such as mine are made up and are just a meaningless label.I challenged him on what he knows about my condition - he knows only what he's briefly read a few paragraphs on from this site.The guy seriously annoys me - sometimes he's amiable and you think he's alright and the next time he'll be dismissive, condescending or petulant so then I think why do I even bother.I went home for the afternoon and we're having a meeting next Tuesday morning to discuss my future. Initially I was going to leave but after discussing it at length with my missus I've decided to try private counselling / CBT (I had a bad experience with a NHS recommend counselor, who just wound me up because she didn't seem to offer anything constructive), as long as my department manager agrees to take long hard look at himself as well.New management is starting soon so he'll be gone so I kind of wish I was able to bottle it but he makes me so angry I just couldn't control myself.
Well that just made me more angry.
It was only an investigative meeting where I essentially went over what happened leading up to the "meeting" on Friday but based on the infractions listed and a few observations made during todays meeting I found myself growing more frustrated and was quite combative toward an observer that made a couple of comments about respect and the cause of my mental health deteriorating over the past few months.
These are the infractions I'm accused of:
intimidatory conduct (verbal) towards a fellow employee on company premises
insubordinate behaviour of such a degree as to being incompatible with the relationship of employer and employee
And how did you respond to that in the meeting and was there a note taker?
I was frustrated that once again I had to explain what I'd been telling various members of my team and my line manager over the past couple of months, as well as my department manager and the observer who I'd explained why I feel I'm where I'm now at, on Friday.
There was a note taker, I call him the observer.
My line manager reassured me on the way out that there's no bias or intent involved at this stage but my perception that they're not seeing the whole picture is what frustrated me, plus the observers remarks about respecting superiors, which I rebuffed by stating the respect is earned and not an entitlement just because you happen to hold a senior position.
The fact that I came off of anti-drpresants a few months back was also discussed as a being a potential factor. IT could well be but it seems awfully coincidental that my mental health begins to decline when my new WiFi specialist role forces me to work with the most disorganised department in the company for a protracted period but perhaps the two are indeed connected. Out of the side effects listed on the NHS website, I suffered dizziness and electrical impulses in my hands.
At any rate I'll be in contact with my GP, I apparently shouldn't have gone cold turkey when stopping Sertraline (100mg), although the side effects don't match my current state, which seems to be directly affected by work, as evidenced by how I felt today.
Both staff involved in the meeting were accommodating enough but I just found myself becoming more frustrated and angry because of my perception that based on the charges and comments of one of them I felt they didn't necessarily understand the whole picture.
Yeah we already discussed that prior to my meltdown and that's how the next job would've been approached.Unfortunately Fridays' trigger has brought my entire "neural database" out to play, so historic [and most likely irrelevant to the outside observer] information is now being used as evidence in my case when attempting to communicate why I'm feeling so angry, anxious and defensive.Management there like to play the superiority game but they seemingly are unable to see how all these smaller details factor into the bigger picture.I don't understand for example how on one hand my dept manager tells me he wants a happy working environment and then seemingly goes out of his way to demotivate and [poorly] manipulate people.He manipulated a member of my team on the very day he made that statement, so he clearly DOES have sense of entitlement and superiority AND doesn't respect this staff - such blatant hypocrisy annoys me massively.
There's a thread in your longer answer above - being let down at the last moment and being left holding the baby. You could have a chat with your line manager about not being put in uncomfortable situations by others and not being given the vital information you need to do your job - can you get him to play 'big brother' for you and say to the others that unless jobs are presented in order, his staff (you) are not prepared to embark on the job. It would immediately demonstrate the other department's imcompetence - lots of people could be CCed on the e-mails to show where the problems really are.
Tbf I don't think I helped my case much as I was very defensive and quite angry but I told them why I was frustrated so if they don't understand that, that's their problem.
They could survive without me, I'm not a key member of staff.
It's a cultural thing, one that will take time to change but I'm not sure I'm willing to stick around to see happen.
The two staff members in the meeting were accommodating enough, my line manager clearly didn't want to be chairing it as we get on well but he had a job to do.
It's a combination of the attitudes of management, particularly my department manager (not my line manager) and the disorganisation of the prof services dept who should be booking my time and providing all necessary detail, equipment and vehicle info at the time they create said Outlook appointment.
As an example.
Once my diagnosis was revealed to the department manager he stated that he wouldn't interfere in my workload when I'm booked out in the calendar, yet has done this since.
Another example.
Went to Birmingham to install their WiFi solution only one of their ADVA ports hadn't been configured meaning that my WiFi hardware had no internet connection and therefore cannot be managed remotely.
After realising this the prof services rep that was also on site decided to get me involved in migration work (their infrastructure and domain is being migrated to Azure and they're being provided a new OS build based on Win10 rather than their old Win7 one) which lead to me performing tasks a first-liner could do, all the while my advice being ignored in favour of employing inefficient methods of gathering information and copying data and also being asked questions about their build and various problems I couldn't answer, making me feel like an incompetent fool in the process.
This winds me up because it makes both me and the company look like morons.
Add to this the fact that on this occasion said prof services rep went home at 4 leaving me in a similar situation with a very senior member of the company, again he was having issues and was asking me questions I couldn't possibly answer as I don't work on their OS build).
I stayed until 7pm and didn't get home until 10pm.
This is the same prof services rep that doesn't provide me with any information and is part of a culture that coasts on the good deeds of others - I have observed this behaviour after working here the first time almost 4 years ago.
If I wasn't a proactive employee, I wouldn't have discovered a bunch of things I should've been informed of before I attend a site.
This is the same guy who doesn't book vehicles, makes me get his manager involved to get one but then takes back a vehicle that is better used by me based on my use-case compared to his.
Two vehicles (Transit Van or Mercedes Car)
Me: No cargo, only passenger
Him: Lots of new PC base units, cables and various other bits of kit + 3 members of staff.
Seems like a logical decision to me, yet he somehow managed to claw the Merc back leaving me with the Transit, which ended up with surface damage because it's too big for me.
Oh and another important bit of info on this first site.
I got sent there before I'd recieved any form of training on this new WiFi solution.
In fact I went to two sites before I received any training, so that in itself demonstrates the mentality of management there.
Doesn't matter whether it affects me negatively, as long as their clients are happy. Again there's a culture of "yes men" who tell customers we can do whatever they want, without any regard for the effect on staff.
My department manager tried to pursuade one of my colleagues last week to (after working from 9am) driver for 4 hours at 4pm to get to a site that was due for a migration the next day, while attempting to disguise it as a holiday.
He got shirty when said colleague challenged him by asking how being away from family and friends can be viewed as a holiday?
The department manager also in the last few months made a remark to a very hardworking colleague stating that he's a "taker", even though he does excellent work and frequently puts in overtime.
The poor guy is hammered from all sides and is expected to carry on regardless of their attitudes.
This is the kind of thing I'm trying to communicate to them. It's these things that all end up stored in my brains database of unnecessary behaviours and factor into my frustrations.
My dept manager telling me that they're not blaming anyone in particular for the latest failure is mere lip service to me when I've seen them act a completely opposing manner, they may say that to your face but their actions indicate otherwise.
Just like when the Operations Dept (I worked in during my first stint) wasn't adequately supported either in terms of management, handovers not being done and many errors being created by prof services (which we always picked up and fixed).
So when management perceived that the department wasn't running according to their expectations, they of course blame the little guy who's working his balls off trying to deliver a good quality of service while cleaning up the mess created by others.
Our department was frequently described as crap.
Add to this management refusing to grant us breaks away from our desks for a full year during 12 hour single staff member shifts because they wanted the phones manned at all times.
It was only because a staff member complained that we eventually got a "man down alarm" in case something happened while you were all alone in the building at stupid o'clock.
They still didn't give us breaks though and we'd get told off for leaving the building.
I used to do it anyway as a big FU as I don't stand for that kind of behaviour.
When they did get a properly qualified manager they got rid when he started pointing out violations so the culture of douchebaggery continues.
This is why the whole picture is important, as this is what I use to guage whether or not management respect their staff.
According to the evidence they do not, hence my irritation and defensiveness when people try to fob me off by talking about respect and wanting a happy work environment or trying to blame me for managerial inadequacies.
What are your feelings about the overall tone of the meeting - do you think they are building a case to get rid of you or are they understanding your issues and looking to support you?
Can they easily survive without you?
Are there annoying parts of your job that can easily off-loaded to the team that would enable you to function better?
SciFiGreg said:it seems awfully coincidental that my mental health begins to decline when my new WiFi specialist role forces me to work with the most disorganised department in the company for a protracted period but perhaps the two are indeed connected.
Situations like that push the autistic triggers and I find heighten anxiety. I find that my autistic traits are even more pronounced in such situations.
So....
Are they intending to support you going forward or is it a case of getting yourself some medication (your problem, not theirs)... is there some way of meeting in the middle?
I mentioned before about requesting catch up meetings to find out how you're getting on. Signalling to your team your behaviours when agitated or struggling so that this can be flagged and supported in timely way and give you opportunity to work on strategies together (the two parties... not you doing the leg work!)
Is it the whole IT department that is disorganised. i.e. have you evidence of working with others in a positive way.. just worried that they might go for a competency pathway...
There are two key things in a job - capability (being supported and in an environment that is ENABLING to work to get done), and competency (having the skill set to do it)