Published on 12, July, 2020
I work in IT support in a relatively senior position and my current role is based at a company that has a culture of mismanagement and blame, where certain incompetent managers have coasted along for a long time while the "minions" with a good work ethic pick up the pieces and make sure projects / services / fixes are delivered.Certain others are quite abrasive and like to throw their weight around but don't like it when challenged and will bully / attempt to force out those that do - all of which said management are blissfully unaware of, or just ignore.Recently I was given the role of specialist in relation to some WiFi equipment we provide to a few clients as the previous expert had left the company for similar reasons to why I ended up having a meltdown today.During this project I've had to constantly chase a member of the professional services department that should be managing the following aspects of it:
Add to that the fact that for the last install I did, which was in Birmingham, no-one had booked a vehicle so I had to contact a manager who requisitioned me one, only for that to be taken back by this member of prof. services who then forced me to drive a Transit van rather than give up the company Mercedes when I was the only person going and had no cargo.This to me makes very little sense, I find it likely that he clawed it back just because he wanted a comfy ride. The other two members of staff he was going with were taking another smaller van but if they've used the Transit all passengers along with cargo would have been transported efficiently.Instead they give me a massive van I have no experience driving which ends up getting scratched as I have to navigate multi-story car parks in it.More recently I'd been assigned a job elsewhere to install and configure their Wi-Fi solution but as usual the company assigned me a bunch of other things to do which supposedly took priority, the other things turned out to be way more complex to complete and so a solution wasn't found for over a week and involved senior development staff.A colleague and I booked two appointments to sit down and plan the installation but because of the unexpected and complex issues with my initial task we simply didn't have time.So now issues have arisen with the installation and now according to my line manager my competence has been called into question by my department manager, who has instructed my line manager to now manage a this project.This morning in the kitchen at work a member of staff asked me how I was, which sent me off on a rant. Halfway though my department manager walks into the kitchen [apparently looking for tea bags], which I perceive as an attempt to covertly monitor my rant so I let rip on him and became quite shouty and intense to a point where he apparently thought I was going to punch him.I'm just tired of all the backstabbling, pointless politics, the air of superiority that certain managers [including him] give off.Basically things have been building up for the past month or two because I've been placed in an environment of absolute chaos and have been expected to deliver perfection, plus my dept manager insists on professional standards and yet behaves like a petulant child in certain scenarios.I think he's an Aspie himself if I'm honest as I've noticed a number of traits included a complete lack of awareness of how his behavior destroys others' morale and have informed him of this to his face.I spent an hour and a half in a non-formal meeting basically telling him everything that's bothering me and he stated that I can't hide behind my condition and that I can't pull that card.At the same time he apparently wants a happy work environment but is completely unaware of the fact that it's currently toxic to a point where a significant number of people have left or want to leave in the near future. I told him to go speak to the rest of my team and answer the question "why does half the helpdesk want to leave?"It's a bit odd in that he presents ASC traits and yet subscribes to the view that behavioral issues such as mine are made up and are just a meaningless label.I challenged him on what he knows about my condition - he knows only what he's briefly read a few paragraphs on from this site.The guy seriously annoys me - sometimes he's amiable and you think he's alright and the next time he'll be dismissive, condescending or petulant so then I think why do I even bother.I went home for the afternoon and we're having a meeting next Tuesday morning to discuss my future. Initially I was going to leave but after discussing it at length with my missus I've decided to try private counselling / CBT (I had a bad experience with a NHS recommend counselor, who just wound me up because she didn't seem to offer anything constructive), as long as my department manager agrees to take long hard look at himself as well.New management is starting soon so he'll be gone so I kind of wish I was able to bottle it but he makes me so angry I just couldn't control myself.
Hi.
i can only imagine the soup in your head at the moment.
A couple of questions
it is horrible that this is just at the start of a long bank holiday day. It is also impossible to tell an Aspie “not to worry”. This post is intending to try and take a logical and pragmatic look at it. Sorry if it doesn’t offer an solace.
1. Yes - although my dept manager said that I can't hide behind my condition or play it as a "card".I understand I have a responsibility to try and deal with my issues if I want to avoid this type of thing but he thinks that these things are made up.He also needs to take a look at himself as I'm certain he's an Aspie too but is unaware.I told him directly that his behavior isn't helping and when he labelled me a "victim" I told him I find that incredibly insulting.2. Nope - never have one to ones - the professional services department do have some meetings with our department but I've never had a prep meeting for my WiFi projects just you're going to City X on X date - no info on what hardware I need, historically no vehicle [although they did for Epping but they had to hire a car especially], no site maps so I can plan where to place access points.
For Epping I had to ask for the address - it's just a joke.
3. Yes. Another staff member from the department. He wanted to bring in the finance manager / HR rep but she's bullied me in the past, or least my line manager told me she was weaponizing my mental health - making complaints about me spending long periods in isolation in the test rooms or commenting about how my behavior is getting worse because I challenge her hypocrisy and abrasiveness.I freaked out and said no way, YOU'RE NOT EVEN AWARE OF MY HISTORY WITH HER ARE YOU??? NO WAY. SHE'S BIASED, I DON'T WANT HER INVOLVED.4. There is no HR rep other than the one I mentioned above.5. First time I was triggered by some douche client that I'd done a favor for by packaging an updated app ASAP then he wanted to implement app logging via the registry when the app came with tools for what he wanted so he was being condescending to me on the phone and I was trying to advise him but he just got on my nerves massively and I ended up punching the crap out of a phone and booting a box.Second time was when the finance manager, after going around being a douche while implementing a new procedure, decided her department was too busy to get stock for a member of the helpdesk so sent him my way, when I challenged her she was abrasive then came down to explain that she asked me as I'm helpful, then went and told my line manager she was watching my monitors and could see I wasn't working.I complained to my dept manager, probably in quite an intense manner but he fobbed me off telling me that she knows the process and doesn't need me to tell her that she's ignoring it and that it's her own problem. So that set me off because he just wasn't getting it.Today he told me he thought that reaction was because I wasn't getting my way, in that I wanted him to tell her off.I hate blatant hypocrisy, which I guess is understandable growing up in a strict religious environment.Third time was this morning when someone asked me how I was in the work kitchen which made me start playing everything over in my head again - halfway through the conversation my dept manager walks into the kitchen an opens a cabinet apparently getting tea bags but I interpreted it was him snooping which set me off.His behavior is erratic, sometimes he's amiable and other times he's condescending - his behavior sometimes seems designed to demotivate his personality alone is enough to irritate me but to have him question my competence after not giving me adequate support was just the final straw.So yeah, I got shouty with him and he apparently thought I was going to punch him - which I'd never do btw, even to him.I'm triggered mostly by people being unreasonable, illogical or just plain douches, like the HR rep who most people dislike because of her manipulative, lying, entitled behavior.
What are you like outside of work or is it just work that pushes the buttons? You NEED representation in the meeting? Do you have a colleague who would go in with you.
im worried that they will push you as being “voiltile” and that staff are intimidated by you. How much of the previous conversations do you remember? The escalation? Can you remember enough to write a statement? .. and the logic behind how you responded.
Not trying to freak you out, covering bases..
Outside of work I'm generally quite chilled as long as I get my space when I need it.
I don't really socialise as I'm highly cynical about people and have been burned too many times to trust most people by default.
I used to be more social when I was younger but even that was a chore if I'm honest. After a while I start to notice selfish behaviours and I end up cutting contact as I'm just not willing to accommodate that.
I've spent most of my adult life living in shared houses of one type or another, which was difficult.
With strangers I just actively avoid them most of the time, friends are little more difficult as spending time with them is an expectation.
It doesn't really bother me that I don't go out any more. The mention of any type of social activity outside of my girlfriend and myself just causes feelings of dread and just not wanting to do whatever activity it is.
Especially work enforced social events.