Published on 12, July, 2020
I have recently been diagnosed with autism and I am in my 40s. I have suffered from anxiety all of my life and before I knew about the autism, I have had several courses of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). This has helped me with my social anxiety which is now not as bad as it used to be.
However, every since I was a child I have suffered from anxiety. It is worse in the morning when I often wake up feeling sick with anxiety. As I go through the day it does get better. Sometimes I feel very low levels of anxiety and at other times I can be extremely anxious for weeks at a time. I am often worrying about something that is going to happen later that day or even in a few weeks' time - for example a meeting I have to do, people I have to talk to, somewhere unfamiliar that I am going or just general uncertainty about what is going to happen next in my life.
I would really appreciate hearing from anyone who feels the same as I feel that I am quite alone. I have a job and a partner but the anxiety makes me very tired a lot of time time and it is difficult to live with. Does anyone have any good tips on how to manage chronic anxiety?
People around me don't understand why I get so anxious. They are supportive but I think they probably can't imagine how I actually feel and what a burden it is to feel anxious a lot of the time. It takes the enjoyment out of life. The times that I feel less anxious are when I am with people I know doing something planned or familiar. For example, I love going to the cinema and I always feel great when I watch films.
Any advice would be gratefully received. Thank you.
Hi Andrew,
I was diagnosed 3 years ago, aged 56. I identify with you all the way. Anxiety is my default condition. It never really goes away - though I find I can manage it now much better than I used to. I think it's because I've learned so much, and can behave in a way that doesn't draw attention to my difference. From my teens through to my forties, though, I was consciously aware of being 'odd' without knowing why. That's bound to make anyone anxious.
I tried CBT, too, and learned something from it. But just understanding that my feelings may have false premises doesn't necessarily assuage those feelings. I still wake up feeling that something bad is going to happen to me. I still worry - in spite of a lifetime of surviving crises and realising that my fears are without foundation - that it's all going to come crashing down around my ears. I can even jump in the car in the morning to head off to work and find myself thinking 'Supposing the thing breaks down on the way? What will I do? How will I cope?'
Like you, too, I find any kind of narrative to be relaxing. A story, say. But as I find it difficult to read for long periods of time, my 'go-to' is the movies. I can switch on a movie and get immersed in the lives of the characters, and for those couple of hours I'm out of my life and into someone else's.
People in general - NTs - don't 'get' autistic anxiety. I get people saying to me 'That's not autism - everyone gets anxious.' Yes. But it's not on the same level. With me, it's like a permanent culture shock. Each new day - even in familiar surroundings with familiar people - is a challenge. In some ways, I think we have to accept that people will never completely 'get' us, and will always think we're just being hyper-sensitive. Which, in many ways, we are. But we can't help it.
You aren't alone!
Take care,
Tom
Thank you Tom. Your advice helps me to understand my son's anxiety too. As a non autistic mom, I always have trouble to understand the difficulties my son experiences. I just found this web site an hour ago and joined. And I am surprised to find out how helpful people's advice here. Your advice is exactly what I wanted to learn. Thanks. Helen