Published on 12, July, 2020
I am autistic. I have only recently been diagnosed. I am 43!
So I've been thinking about my differences. I think I feel all emotions just like anyone else but there is one thing I don't really feel and that is jealousy and I don't really understand it either. I think I got jealous once if that is what it was. I also don't understand the idea of 'showing off'.
My husband sometimes says to me, don't post that on facebook people will think you are showing off and I am like "why". Are you not allowed to be pleased with something you made or did and want to share it. Why would anyone take that negatively?
I suppose I can't separate my intention from someone else's perception?
I don't really get it. Anyone else?
Hi Xanadu. I don’t get the differences between jealousy, envy and just being sad that someone else gets a hug or smile that you would love to receive too. It’s not like you want whatever it is to someone else’s detriment. It’s a kind of empty, perhaps rueful? realisation that you missed out. Like with a parent, not a partner. Not an exclusive one to one relationship. Also it would be great to be able to share good news. It’s no more showing off than when anyone else does it. Some people seem to have double standards. I like to hear their good news too. So share it! Life is too depressing to only hear bad news.
I think that's actually a good description of jealousy, although it can be more than sadness, it can become anger. 'The green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on', as Othello was warned. It's really something as innocent as a need for affection yourself... jealousy can be a type of envy when wanting the affections of a particular person for yourself.
The people I've known who have got very jealous, irrationally jealous, when in a relationship have all been non-autistic. Maybe you just feel secure? I think when I've been jealous, it's usually been when single, on the outside of a relationship looking in.
I'm not sure I like people to show off too much, not if it might really make other people feel inadequate or envious.
In that case I get jealous to the sadness level. Like being sad and mortified when at school they chose their teams for games and two or three were left over at the end. The usual ones. Me included. Mind you, I WAS useless! I wouldn’t have wanted someone else to be removed from a team to make room for me though. I was so useless that would have been doubly mortifying!!
So there must be levels of jealousy. As to showing off, I’m never clear if someone is consciously showing off, until they reach goading or bullying mode. At least school was a LONG time ago. I’m rather nervous of displaying anything I’m happy with, or something I’m pleased to have made. If others hold back too, it’s really a shame.