Struggling to live with my parents

I’m currently on my summer break and don’t go back to uni for my final year until September. I am struggling to live at home or see out the rest of the summer with them around because every time I tell them that I’m feeling down they just say get over it. 

For a long time now my parents have been very controlling of me and have prevented me from doing things that I want to do such as going and seeing my friends because they don’t approve of my friends. I have had many conversations with them explaining how I find a lot of what they say hurtful but the don’t care. 

When I was diagnosed at the ago of fifteen, and still now and all the years between, my parents have said really nasty things to me such as “we can’t accept a child with Aspergers” or “you’ll never get a job Claudia” or “you’ll never get married and your a c word” or “why does anyone want to be your friend”. But the worst of all which was said to me again today was “we do not want to have you in our house ever again. Go and sleep somewhere else as we can’t have you as our daughter”. All these comments really hurt me and make me cry a lot. I’m currently looking for places to live but can’t see any that I can afford as my parents won’t let me live at home until I go back to uni in September. Every time they say these comments I start to feel awful about myself and like there really is something wrong with me.  I also started to believe that even my friends don’t like me even though they say that having me as a friend and knowing me makes their life better. My confidence has been knocked dramatically as has my self-esteem due to what my parents are saying. 

No matter how hard I try to explain things to them about how I feel they don’t listen and just keep saying the same things about how they never want to know me again and can I get out of their house and may be due soon. I don’t know what to do? 

Parents
  • How would you feel about sharing a flat or house with other students, either over the summer or the whole of next year? Do you have any friends from uni, either who might be up for sharing an affordable place, or have some ideas?

    There are some hostels around that are £10 a night if you can put up with snoring - I'm thinking nice backpacker ones, not homeless hostels. Shelter still has a helpline: 0808 800 4444 but it may be hard to get through.

    Are you getting help for the depression? Have you seen your GP?

  • Thank you for your message and concern. 

    Im getting help for the depression so that’s good. 

    With regards to sharing a flat, Ive got a room in halls for the whole year until next May and we have the rooms throughout the holidays too. The only issue will be next summer as that is when the uni books out the rooms. It will also be an issue on other holidays like Christmas. I get shouted at for not being with them when I’m at uni and yet they tell me to go and get out the house. I’ve contacted my uni for some accommodation this summer and explained my situation but they said that they have no rooms. 

    All my friends live off campus, but if the worst cake to the worst they said I could stay with them for a few nights until I can have my uni room back after the holidays. They’re only 30mins from the campus. I’ll be going for job interviews this academic year anyway and they kindly offered to go flat looking with me once I know where I working because of how my parents are. So my friends are being supportive and “get me” so to speak, or at least most of them do, but my parents aren’t. 

    I’m wondering if I should try shelter as I can’t live with my parents as it’s makibg matters worse. They’ve also always favoured my brother over me. I’m trying really hard to go and hang out with my friends when I can and keep my friendships going as they are really important right now and give me a break from my parents. I also know from when I was last depressed that one mistake I made was not seeing my friends enough because I was so down when actually I needed to as they would have lifted be up. 

Reply
  • Thank you for your message and concern. 

    Im getting help for the depression so that’s good. 

    With regards to sharing a flat, Ive got a room in halls for the whole year until next May and we have the rooms throughout the holidays too. The only issue will be next summer as that is when the uni books out the rooms. It will also be an issue on other holidays like Christmas. I get shouted at for not being with them when I’m at uni and yet they tell me to go and get out the house. I’ve contacted my uni for some accommodation this summer and explained my situation but they said that they have no rooms. 

    All my friends live off campus, but if the worst cake to the worst they said I could stay with them for a few nights until I can have my uni room back after the holidays. They’re only 30mins from the campus. I’ll be going for job interviews this academic year anyway and they kindly offered to go flat looking with me once I know where I working because of how my parents are. So my friends are being supportive and “get me” so to speak, or at least most of them do, but my parents aren’t. 

    I’m wondering if I should try shelter as I can’t live with my parents as it’s makibg matters worse. They’ve also always favoured my brother over me. I’m trying really hard to go and hang out with my friends when I can and keep my friendships going as they are really important right now and give me a break from my parents. I also know from when I was last depressed that one mistake I made was not seeing my friends enough because I was so down when actually I needed to as they would have lifted be up. 

Children
  • Glad to hear you're getting some help and that you have supportive friends. What jobs are you going for?

    I never had a great relationship with my family, and put up with a lot of criticism. I wonder if your parents don't understand the diagnosis, see it as a cause for worry, and express that worry in a very unconstructive way. I don't know if they would be reassured by knowing that many autistic people have successful careers and relationships.

    I also wonder, and wonder how they would react if asked: whose genes made you who you are?