Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, my name is Louise and I live with my son David who is 29.
im new on here so apologies if this subject has already been discussed, there's a lot of stuff to look at.
David has never accepted his autism diagnosis and thinks that he can manage without help, but left to his own devices he does nothing. He won't engage with his GP, social worker and various other organisations that have been involved. I have been told that as he is over 18 and deemed to 'have capacity' to make his own decisions that nothing can be done. David is depressed and takes his anger and frustration out on me every day. I have health problems and suffer from depression and anxiety as a result.
Has anyone else had this problem and did they find a way round it'?
thanks in advance
Louise
Your David's confidence is probably shot to pieces and unfortunately may see any attempt to reach out to him as an attempt to undermine him. Of easy answers I have none. He should perhaps be guided by a good careers officer or if he refuses to hear any mention of the A word.
Hi Nexus, you are right, Davids confidence is zero. He has had a rubbish life and all attempts to help him over the years have failed and it wasn't his fault. He is terrified that by accepting help, he is going to be forced into doing things against his will. When he was a teenager he had to go to a residential school far from home for a few years because the LEA couldn't find a suitable school close to home and he hated this.
it is difficult to access help without mentioning the A word because all people see is his disability. He goes to the job centre and proudly displays his entry level certificates and thinks he can get a full time, well paid job with them. He won't do voluntary work as he wants to be an engineer like his grandfather or a teacher like,his aunty. He doesn't look up to me at all as all I did was raise him!
its difficult but thanks for your reply
yes he always says that and refuses all help, but when left to do things on his own, he does nothing.
He does not want to feel.bsd about himself. He needs to do it for himself.
Hi Nexus, I have asked David if he wil join the forum but he doesn't think he has autism so I think it's unlikely he will do so. I personally think this would help him but I am just his mother and I know nothing.
Forced to do things against his will. That of course is exactly what the Job Centre will do. I can relate to that absolute loathing of being forced to do something against my will, as I was in a similar situation once, and there really was no work. I could have played the game as it is called and gone on Mickey mouse schemes pitched at way below my academic skills as a graduate, though my interests lay in the arts. As someone said to me, if unfortunately you are in a position of economic dependency, you have to play their games. I knew then only alternative was to get off the board altogether. I did in the end, it did have its own price, but eventually the solution may make itself known.
So maybe you need to remind David that it is a question of putting together those survival tricks that will allow him to live his life on his terms.
I think David should join this forum too. It might help remove some of the sense of inferiority and feelings of unfairness in having to deal the world we have to live in.