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Is It Just Me ?

Giddy

So here's a question of sorts that has kind of followed me around for many years and i wondered if other NDs felt a similar way or if it's just me...
Ever since I can remember my emotions have been very confusing / vague I have 3 important people in my life my son, my mum and my ex wife (who I probably drove mad during our marriage with my behaviour though we get on great now and she is actually my carer so that's ok.) These three are the ones who I care about and who care about me but ive never really known what else I should feel and by that I mean love !!! I have never really known what that is I know if anything happened to one of these three I would be upset but that
would most likely be in a self centred way as in how their loss would affect me. I often visualize scenarios in which harm befalls one of These three and to be honest my feelings are quite flat I know I should feel more but I don't know what that should be honestly there are times I get more upset when im interrupted or something happens that throws out my process or schedule or if I do something stupid like dropping something picking it up and dropping it again I feel like someone unseen is making this happen and I can get very agitated or angry...
So i guess my question is do other NDs feel like this or am I alone in my behaviour ?

  • thanks for all the input good to know it's not just me

  • It seems to me that NT love can be very selfish, because I have been told by people that they love me and they have later betrayed me, whereas I would have done anything for that person and I have been completely loyal and completely vulnerable to that person until the point of that betrayal, and then the pain of what they did and the realisation that they hadn't ever loved me at all (at least not in the way that I loved them) practically destroyed me and I had to get away just to save myself, even though part of me still loved the person. I guess that part of me eventually died each time so now I am just the tatters that remain after those parts of me were ripped out.

    Of course there is no way of knowing of how NTs experience love and how that differs from the way I experience love. I really don't think words are sufficient to describe such a thing, just like I have no idea whether all NTs or all NDs experience it in the same way. It's almost like talking about how someone else perceives the colour blue. We assume that when we say the word blue we are all picturing a similar colour, but the way you perceive blue in your mind might look red to me, for example.