Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you guys go about turning down parties? I can't deal with big social events at all and avoid them like the plague for a variety of reasons (anxious amongst lots of people, will not dress up for going out, hardly like any food so meals are a problem, noise, can't deal with all the conversations). I don't really like to explain this to people especially as I'm not diagnosed so I can't even give that as a reason. I usually go with distance or money. There is a party being organised for work at the moment and several people are trying to persuade me to go. I find these conversations very difficult and they keep coming up with solutions to my reasons for not going. How would other people deal with this?
I'm not diagnosed so I can't even give that as a reason.
Are you self-diagnosed ? I started from that (I’m still doing my research) but until I didn’t have some sort of confirmation from a specialist (I’m still not clinically diagnosed but initial assessment confirmed my concerns) I didn’t share it with anybody apart my wife.
Now I think it is easier, when I can give reason to people and probably I needed reason for myself to stop kicking myself that I don’t perform to my expectations.
Yes. Self diagnosed. I haven't plucked up the courage to get a formal diagnosis. I certainly have a lot of traits. But I can't give it as a reason as I don't have anything medical to back it up.
It's not so much that they demand it. I just don't feel I can say "I'm autistic" without it being official. They are not so awful, they just see it as an expectation that you would go to the work parties.
You are probably right. It's been on my mind for a while. But to take that step and actually speak to a doctor about it. I just haven't got there yet.
I haven't plucked up the courage to get a formal diagnosis.
It could, then, be a good way forwards for you. Before my diagnosis, I always had to find excuses for things. And sometimes I didn't even really know why I was depressed, etc. The diagnosis gave me answers, and it gave me the validation I needed. In some ways, I think, it has made me more confident about myself.
My goodness, who are these people who you are giving excuses to that demand medical evidence of what you say? They sound very scary and I’m not surprised you’ve got some anxiety around declining their offers of social get togethers. I thought you were talking about normal people inviting you out. Maybe it’s time to get a formal diagnosis?