Published on 12, July, 2020
How do you guys go about turning down parties? I can't deal with big social events at all and avoid them like the plague for a variety of reasons (anxious amongst lots of people, will not dress up for going out, hardly like any food so meals are a problem, noise, can't deal with all the conversations). I don't really like to explain this to people especially as I'm not diagnosed so I can't even give that as a reason. I usually go with distance or money. There is a party being organised for work at the moment and several people are trying to persuade me to go. I find these conversations very difficult and they keep coming up with solutions to my reasons for not going. How would other people deal with this?
Tell them you have some kind of prior commitment, or just say that you find parties too loud and you'd prefer a quiet environment. You have a right to your own personal preference and you don't have to justify it by disclosing any possible conditions you may have. Or you could just do what lots of neurotypicals do and tell them that maybe you'll come and then just don't show up.
I have tried the prior commitment one in the past but feel it's wearing a bit thin as I never go to anything. I can't use your last suggestion as you have to pay a deposit if you say you are going. I just get embarrassed telling them honestly. They know about the food issue but that's about it. I just tend to get a lot of "banter" from them when I say I'm not going and they don't seem to understand that this bothers me.