Published on 12, July, 2020
I perceive my brain and existence as a series of wiring trade-offs in terms of abilities. In an Aspie sense I am able to perform well in some contexts (for example, following theories, recognising patterns, lateral thinking etc) but poorly in others (such as small talk, perceiving the wants and needs of others when presented in certain ways that I can’t always read).
I am not overly clever but have been told that I can come across as aloof or arrogant and there are many articles on this particular trait in that we can come across as self interested and also narcissistic.
Maybe it is the way that I convey myself that creates the barrier?
“Aspies don't "make people uncomfortable" - remember, Aspies are people too, and they can also feel uncomfortable around people who are different to them. It isn't a one-way street from "weird" Aspies to uncomfortable "people": many people with Asperger's find the non-Aspie world weird and a source of discomfort. You could just as easily ask: What are the most common reasons why NTs (non-Aspies) unknowingly make people with Asperger's uncomfortable?Neurotypicals (NTs, i.e. non-Aspies) often feel uncomfortable around Aspies because Aspies and NTs have different styles of communication, and NTs expect Aspies to conform to their style of communication. They are not used to Aspie communication styles and do not know how to interpret it - or rather, they interpret it as though it was NT communication, and often draw very negative (and incorrect) conclusions from it.
NTs tend to use a lot of indirect, non-verbal, implied communication. They "hint" rather than state outright what they want. They expect you to know or to guess what you are supposed to do and say. And they have a lot of elaborate social and emotional ritual and they spend lots of time in social interaction just engaged in these rituals. Direct communication is often viewed as rude or arrogant.”
https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-most-common-reasons-why-Aspies-unknowingly-make-people-uncomfortable
Now, I’d like to think that I am a multi faceted being...so there maybe many elements of my being that cause offence!
What, for you creates the “gulf of understanding”?
Hello lovely person (Eli) and persons I haven’t read all the comments yet but I’ve made a good start. I’ll pick up from here ~
‘The thread is intended to probe this idea of are we ok and acceptable, or, is it just the way we present ourselves to others, our manner, also a possibile difficulty to be understood and explain who we are and our needs and aspirations’ ~ are we ok and acceptable?!?!? ~ who is making that decision? To me, I’m perfectly ok and acceptable but there are times when others, quite rightly, would not agree with that, particularly when I’m having a melt down because I don’t want to stand in a line in the job centre and I’m swearing and shouting!!! Lol! And I carry a card now to say I’m on the spectrum which makes me feel a lot safer.
I generally tell people within the first second of meeting them that I’m autistic and as much as I sometimes try to keep quite about a special interest, for example, I often don’t manage it and I’ll bore people to death with my special interest!
Unless a person is consciously aware/awake, they will only ever see another person through their eyes. So how they see themselves, they will see others and judge and weigh up others according to who they think they are and their life experiences. So I don’t worry anymore what others think of me because even if it’s true what they’re thinking, it’s only ever one aspect of me. I think that the way I communicate, which is often to talk ‘at’ people, reeling off info about my special subject, and my inability and refusal to do small talk, can seem like I’m very self absorbed, I suppose, but then again, my support worker recently told me that when I’m talking about one of my passions, I’m hypnotic to listen to and she enjoys listening to me. There’s a difference between how we and how nt’s communicate so unless there’s an openness on both sides, conversations won’t generally run too smoothly. Not like, for instance, when I’m with my friends at my autism group. I adore our random and weird conversations so these days that’s who I socialise with. I’ve just joined another autism group as well and that’s how I like it now. I’m creating my world around me and that means I rarely mix with nt’s these days and I feel much happier about that. It’s not that I exclude them, it’s just that we’re not on the same wave length so unless I’ve got a specific purpose for talking to someone, I generally don’t bother.
I’m creating my world around me and that means I rarely mix with nt’s these days and I feel much happier about that. It’s not that I exclude them, it’s just that we’re not on the same wave length so unless I’ve got a specific purpose for talking to someone, I generally don’t bother.
Hi BlueRay
Really good to hear from you as its been a while. My main thrust was that was it HOW we communicate (our communication style) that causes the barrier or WHAT we communicate (this is me!). I used the analogy nice meal, badly presented..... or it is all shocking awful!! - lol!
are we ok and acceptable?!?!? ~ who is making that decision?
Curses....is this mean hung up on seeking approval and permission from others again!!!
good to hear from you!
Hahaha ~ speaking for myself, I know that I can be both shockingly awful in what I say and how I say it at times but I think generally, it’s a combination of both. I know that when I’m talking about something I’m passionate about, I can appear even aggressive to some people, yet that perception couldn’t be further from the truth but I can see how it can be seen that way.
Good to be back. I’ve missed you guys but I was getting realisation after realisation and needed tons of solitude to process all this new stuff, but glad to be back :-)