Published on 12, July, 2020
Hiya, I have written a few times on here now. After my last post about a toxic friendship, I decided to stand up to the girls and say that I was feeling left out. They told me it was "my fault" and they told people not to talk to me. Mature, yes but I have not been able to get out of bed all week because of how upset I have been. I was always very paranoid around these girls, one knew I had aspergers and used that information to make me upset.
I recently found a new group of girls. They are the sweetest girls and are a lot more like me, studious, love reading. I feel me when I am with them. I know the next part is going to sound bad but this community has helped me so much, even just as a space to get it all out. These lovely girls aren't "popular" and don't go to house parties or drink at the weekends, which is the same as me. I have a few friends in the "popular" group- not close friends- and I am worried that they won't want anything to do with me if I am not as "popular as before" - I am a complete geek and very quiet-. With my Asperger's, I constantly worry what people think of me and if they like me and if I am being socially acceptable( very tiring if you are the same). I know this sounds awful, and you may think I am a horrible person for saying this, I feel bad for thinking this. I love these girls though and I know I shouldn't care what people think of me. But I do. Does anyone have any tips on learning how to not give a thought to what people think? I am so sorry if you think I am a horrible person, I am bad at phrasing things and I am ashamed I have this thought process. These are the only real friends I have had in years.
Thank you so much, I hope you are all doing okay x
Jess
Sorry to hear this has been so upsetting. I've not idea what things are like for teenage girls and women particularly nowadays. It sounds like there are two groups, the 'geeks' and the popular kids, and ideally you'd like to be in with both of them. I think it's great you've found the new group. Young people usually do worry about their social standing. I don't see why anyone would think you were 'a horrible person'.
I'd say to take it on a person-by-person basis rather than worrying about status or popularity. If there are people whose company you enjoy, great.
Jessicaaaaa said: I am worried that they won't want anything to do with me if I am not as "popular as before"
Well if they don't on that basis, then they're probably not worth having as friends. Is it that within the 'popular' group, there's one girl who's been telling people not to talk to you? That sounds like bullying, and people can stand up to that, ignore it, or go along with it. I think they should ignore it and hang out with who they want to, as can you.
Jessicaaaaa said:Does anyone have any tips on learning how to not give a thought to what people think?
Talk it through with other people you trust, telling them exactly what happened and how you feel. Just, as DC says, realise there are more important things in life. I keep mentioning books on cognitive behaviour therapy, as they probably include some tips. One rather extreme example is someone's advice to walk down the street in a large multicoloured wig - it's good practice at not caring what other people think.