Published on 12, July, 2020
Some people are very unfortunate in life, and I would consider people with autism spectrum disorders to be amongst the unfortunate - especially because nobody wants this type of condition. Even though my life could have turned out far worse I still consider myself very unlucky; my life is extremely sad compared to the lives of non-disabled neurotypicals. I feel as though I was only brought into the world to suffer in the way nobody should be made to suffer. Being placed in unsettling environments where I don't belong and put in such overwhelming and distressing situations that trigger my sensory issues is very cruel; my family members are fully aware of my daily struggles but don't show any empathy towards me at all. Every single time I would feel the need to run off to the special needs counsellors my parents would accuse me of misbehaving just because I'm showing signs of depression. Then when I try to get special needs professional help that is when they seem to accuse me of getting fixated and dwelling on my Asperger's condition. Yet they wonder why I end up venting my frustration on library books and other property. There are times when I don't see any point in being alive if all life is going to consist of is endless torture, because having autism is torture for autistic sufferers and their families. So many depressed people on the autism spectrum have died by suicide - what if that happens to me eventually? What if I end up killing myself in just a few years' time?
I don't know if you will ever see this. I hope so. Maybe at least others will. I have exactly the same issue. It is worth sticking out. I have had a hard life...a very hard life. To give reference, the homeless people I know, who turned their life around to get clean and I met in recovery. I wasn't in recovery. Don't give me credit where it isn't due. They are afraid of my stories and ask me not to share recollections of my past. It got bad. However, I learned so much, and my life today is beautiful. I haven't decided whether to make nice with my family. I am finally with someone who truly gets me. I suspect he is also on the spectrum, though we both grew up in a back water part of Texas. At 39, I am just discovering that there are treatments. After making about every mistake that can be made, I found my path. I have been living for someone else. Be a rose among thorns, not the other way around. You are someone special, and when you embrace that and live your best life, it will all make sense. I promise you can be happy. It just takes a little work and introspection. You don't need to fit in. You are better than the rest, and you will know happiness the ignorant can never know.