Stepping out on my own! - breaking ties rather than keep trying to conform and failing

Hello, I just received diagnosis March this year, but the penny had begun to drop with me for a few years; always felt uncomfortable and 'outside' of things, spent many years trying to 'fit' because I thought I should and that I should 'get used to it' and that I must be socially inadequate / socially anxious. The I reached a point where I realised more and more that I am genuinely happier in my own space and I do not NEED to put myself through any of the crippling social discomfort and sensory assault /information overload that I was torturing myself with. I am aware that not everyone on the spectrum seeks and genuinely enjoys solitude as I do, but a turning point for me was in my late 30s when I realised 'there is nothing wrong with me, this is just how I am wired and actually I quite like it'. In the last year or so, further extricating myself from family and social expectations has been more of a challenge and there's always got to be compromise to a degree, as long as I can get across to family just how massively difficult it has been for me; 'fitting in' and living up to the expectations of my 'normal' roles.. all my life; 'could do better' has always in reality me stretching myself way beyond what I am equipped to cope with and I am just not going to do it anymore. I hope I am not oversimplifying or belittling your situation, but 'fitting in' can be very bad for your mental health; its nice to just feel happy with who you are and how you tick - carve your own path in your own space and time as far as you possibly can and definitely be wary of 'shoulds' and 'shouldn'ts'. So, on balance, it is working out well for me, but some aspects of life are more challenging and ultimately I do not want to upset the tiny number of people I care about (wife and two grown up children), but I'm done with overstretching my capabilities and prepared to go it absolutely alone if I need to. There was a time when my wife (hard working and patience of a saint I must add) worked lots of night shifts and long days..and before my children moved back home..I didn't fully realise I was on the spectrum and it dawned on me that I really did enjoy all of that time and space alone and asked myself if I should feel bad about that. Now I know that I absolutely need that time and space, it is massively beneficial to my mental health. Sorry if I'm hijacking your post or missing the point, just thought a perspective on going it alone and not jumping through hoops might help :0)       

Space is importance and is needed to rebalance, process and recentre. I won’t at this stage respond to your post in more detail but will shortly as you make such pertinent points.

https://musingsofanaspie.com/2012/10/22/lessons-from-an-aspergers-nt-marriage-part-1/

The above was worth a read for me... part 3, point 6 in particular ...

Ellie

Space is importance and is needed to rebalance, process and recentre. I won’t at this stage respond to your post in more detail but will shortly as you make such pertinent points.

https://musingsofanaspie.com/2012/10/22/lessons-from-an-aspergers-nt-marriage-part-1/

The above was worth a read for me... part 3, point 6 in particular ...

Ellie

Her book is worth a read too... but most of its content is on the site :)

Wow! That link describes a carbon copy of my own relationship! Spooky  : /