Bullying - With Experience

I was brought up in an age where we were taught to ignore remarks by others.  'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'.  Trouble was, even though we did learn to ignore the remarks, it still did not mean they did not hurt. 

I think there is something that emanates from certain people - including those that are autistic - that says to bullies 'I am a target for you to bully'.  I certainly did not tell anyone when I was at school that I was autistic.  One reason being that when I was at school autism was only really known of by specialists researching obscure academic papers.  I also don't think even now that the topic of conversation immediately goes to telling someone that one is autistic, and it is disclosed on a 'need to know' basis (not that I am ashamed of being autistic).  I remember on one occasion being confronted in the changing rooms when I was at school with another lad from my year who stated he wanted a fight with me, saying he did not like 'ba***rds'.  I tried ignoring him with the result I got one hit in the face which broke my nose and put me in hospital for two days. 

Bullies know how to look for a target and that applies throughout all ages.  I have never committed any 'crime' which has landed me in court, yet this has not prevented me from being escorted from a branch of a well-known shop by two burly security men saying they 'did not want my sort there', and not having known what I had done or what they thought I had done I was at a loss to understand the reasoning.  I have been followed home by police because I was 'acting suspiciously' when I was in a shopping area because I was walking up a street and then 'suddenly' changed direction (when walking) and went home instead of continuing.  I have been subject to the most disgusting behaviour at work by managers for no reason at all except I am autistic, 'adjustments' were made and then it was decided that these 'adjustments' meant that I was not 'doing a proper job'.   I have been told by a senior manager that I am suffering from 'dementia', and that my behaviour is inappropriate (I was rocking in my chair) and I was 'staring'. There are times when it seems we are treated in a way which is guaranteed to induce stress and then because we exhibit the symptoms of stress (frustration, anger, withdrawal, meltdowns, etc) we are punished for acting naturally.

Being subjected to bullying over the years means that I can detect a bully at fifty paces.  In the same way that a bully can home in on their target, I can with near certainty detect who a bully is.  Unfortunately, without the proof no one else believes any report, so the only action is avoidance of the person.  So this has the result others wonder why there are certain people (often those in authority) with whom I will not engage in communication.  I believe many people in authority only get their positions due to bullying behaviour (which is seen as some sort of strength).  (Note that I have said 'many' and not 'all' since there are some who gain their positions whilst maintaining legitimate behaviour).

The result of all this over the years is to not trust authority, and become timid and submissive.  Which in turn leads to more bullying and obnoxious behaviour from others.  I have said before in these forums that I prefer to be left alone to do the things I know I can do, to enjoy my own company and be lost in my own thoughts.  And that way I will also not be subject to suffering from the actions of bullies.

I will end this with a song by Chumbawamba about the Jazz singer George Melly and how he dealt with muggers in Manchester:

Ratatatay

I was brought up in an age where we were taught to ignore remarks by others.  'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me'.  Trouble was, even though we did learn to ignore the remarks, it still did not mean they did not hurt. 

I think there is something that emanates from certain people - including those that are autistic - that says to bullies 'I am a target for you to bully'.  I certainly did not tell anyone when I was at school that I was autistic.  One reason being that when I was at school autism was only really known of by specialists researching obscure academic papers.  I also don't think even now that the topic of conversation immediately goes to telling someone that one is autistic, and it is disclosed on a 'need to know' basis (not that I am ashamed of being autistic).  I remember on one occasion being confronted in the changing rooms when I was at school with another lad from my year who stated he wanted a fight with me, saying he did not like 'ba***rds'.  I tried ignoring him with the result I got one hit in the face which broke my nose and put me in hospital for two days. 

Bullies know how to look for a target and that applies throughout all ages.  I have never committed any 'crime' which has landed me in court, yet this has not prevented me from being escorted from a branch of a well-known shop by two burly security men saying they 'did not want my sort there', and not having known what I had done or what they thought I had done I was at a loss to understand the reasoning.  I have been followed home by police because I was 'acting suspiciously' when I was in a shopping area because I was walking up a street and then 'suddenly' changed direction (when walking) and went home instead of continuing.  I have been subject to the most disgusting behaviour at work by managers for no reason at all except I am autistic, 'adjustments' were made and then it was decided that these 'adjustments' meant that I was not 'doing a proper job'.   I have been told by a senior manager that I am suffering from 'dementia', and that my behaviour is inappropriate (I was rocking in my chair) and I was 'staring'. There are times when it seems we are treated in a way which is guaranteed to induce stress and then because we exhibit the symptoms of stress (frustration, anger, withdrawal, meltdowns, etc) we are punished for acting naturally.

Being subjected to bullying over the years means that I can detect a bully at fifty paces.  In the same way that a bully can home in on their target, I can with near certainty detect who a bully is.  Unfortunately, without the proof no one else believes any report, so the only action is avoidance of the person.  So this has the result others wonder why there are certain people (often those in authority) with whom I will not engage in communication.  I believe many people in authority only get their positions due to bullying behaviour (which is seen as some sort of strength).  (Note that I have said 'many' and not 'all' since there are some who gain their positions whilst maintaining legitimate behaviour).

The result of all this over the years is to not trust authority, and become timid and submissive.  Which in turn leads to more bullying and obnoxious behaviour from others.  I have said before in these forums that I prefer to be left alone to do the things I know I can do, to enjoy my own company and be lost in my own thoughts.  And that way I will also not be subject to suffering from the actions of bullies.

I will end this with a song by Chumbawamba about the Jazz singer George Melly and how he dealt with muggers in Manchester:

Ratatatay

Thank You very much for this. (Although I have not yet if ever checked the Song-Link).