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I really do not feel well

Angel Cake

I am exhausted and broken because people are trying to turn me into a man when I'm a woman, A WOMAN, a biological woman, I was born a woman, I identify as a woman, but certain people in my life want to make me think like a man so I'll change genders and be unable to have children and therefore won't be able to pass on my genes. My head aches, I feel frightened and on edge, I have cried on and off all day. I've got this overpowering sense of hopelessness. I don't have an appetite but am making myself eat because I don't want to binge - binge eating is a bit of an issue for me. I don't want to wash or care for myself. I have some strong urges to do some very destructive things to myself but I'm just clinging on, trying to keep my head above water because I have my friend from the States coming to stay next week and I have to keep going when all I want to do is hide myself away and cry. I'm so alone. My family don't believe me; they say it's my comorbid mental illness (I have Asperger's and additional mental health issues) making me think this way but I know what people are doing and I know who they are too. It's only me who lives my life so I wish someone would believe me. I just wish someone could protect me from this.

Parents

  • I remember you posted about something similar not too long ago. My advice to you would be to distance yourself from the people who you believe are doing this. From what you said, it seems that your family are not the ones doing this, so that's a good thing. Look forward to your friend's visit next week and try to stay positive. Always remember that you are in control of your own life and gender and nobody is ever going to be able to change that.

  • in reply to DragonCat16

    I can't distance myself from them - they're not actually in my life anymore but I can still feel their effects. Every single one of my primary school teachers, autism staff at school, doctors...they've all done it because they don't want me to have children. The memories are just too much to take and the damage has been done; now every time I go out I see people trying to turn me into a man. I don't feel like I'm in control; people are messing with my brain and I'm scared.

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  • in reply to DragonCat16

    I can't distance myself from them - they're not actually in my life anymore but I can still feel their effects. Every single one of my primary school teachers, autism staff at school, doctors...they've all done it because they don't want me to have children. The memories are just too much to take and the damage has been done; now every time I go out I see people trying to turn me into a man. I don't feel like I'm in control; people are messing with my brain and I'm scared.

Children