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Does this make any sense to anyone?

Bumholio
over 6 years ago

Hi

I won't bore you with tales from half a centuries worth of mostly disaster. My bet is, if were here, no real explanation is required.

I gained an inkling about 3 years ago that I might be on the spectrum. Everything I read about Asperger's, I was pretty much reading about myself and my own personality. I received the "official" diagnoses about 6 months ago. Relief, I'm not mad or bad, just different.

Now here is my problem (or is it one?).  I really don't like being around people. For 30 odd years I've worked at the pointy end of IT support, at the level 'if I can't fix it, it can't be fixed'. Of course this means you are constantly in demand. Until recently I did not realise just how much stress and anxiety  this was causing me. Pretending to be like everybody else, when I knew inside that I wasn't.

I did have a serious meltdown just over a year ago. Walked away from my career, have very limited contact with the few people I know and trust, no family that means anything to me, and for this last year I think I've made a hermit look extrovert. Thing is, I feel perfectly happy and at peace for probably the fist time in my life. I do feel vaguely guilty sometime, perhaps I should make more of an effort?

Anybodies/Everybody's thoughts and opinions would be very welcome, because I'm just lost 

Parents
  • over 6 years ago

    Well, as you can see, you might be a hermit but you're not alone. I can identify with what you've written. I do not feel guilty about withdrawing but I don't like the feeling I have of not being able to trust myself to be entirely appropriate around other people. I don't mean that I worry about doing something outrageously unacceptable, just all those little things (ok, some not so little) that make us who we are. But that goes with the territory doesn't it. I hope that makes sense...Perhaps I'm just a bit sad about it all today; it's one thing to withdraw, quite another to feel excluded. NAS 37349 writes about feeling safe and that is so important, life isn't easy for us. To be happy and at peace is wonderful after such struggles. (Which I do not underestimate). I do find that my motivation to do anything much other than housework, cooking and gardening is declining rapidly and sometimes it bothers me that I don't do anything creative anymore. But mainly it doesn't. I am an inherently lazy person and you probably won't have that happen!

Reply
  • over 6 years ago

    Well, as you can see, you might be a hermit but you're not alone. I can identify with what you've written. I do not feel guilty about withdrawing but I don't like the feeling I have of not being able to trust myself to be entirely appropriate around other people. I don't mean that I worry about doing something outrageously unacceptable, just all those little things (ok, some not so little) that make us who we are. But that goes with the territory doesn't it. I hope that makes sense...Perhaps I'm just a bit sad about it all today; it's one thing to withdraw, quite another to feel excluded. NAS 37349 writes about feeling safe and that is so important, life isn't easy for us. To be happy and at peace is wonderful after such struggles. (Which I do not underestimate). I do find that my motivation to do anything much other than housework, cooking and gardening is declining rapidly and sometimes it bothers me that I don't do anything creative anymore. But mainly it doesn't. I am an inherently lazy person and you probably won't have that happen!

Children
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