• Replies 29 replies
  • Subscribers 88 subscribers
  • Views 14142 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

"Putting on my best normal" - how to shed the mask and do it anyway...

.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5509825/

Masks / Camouflage / Performance art etc,  call it what you will but after many years of "fitting in" - as a partner, mother, employee, daughter, sister, sibling, citizen it is possible to successfully drop the mask completely and does everyone mask to a certain extent. But, what happens when it becomes detrimental and shift has got to happen in order to save yourself?

"..... two key motivations for camouflaging; assimilation and connection. This suggests that camouflaging behaviours come from multiple sources. They may be internally driven by the individual to accomplish specific goals such as friendships, but they may also be produced as a response to external demands placed on how a person should behave in society. The differential influence of each of these motivations varies between individuals, but our findings suggest that people are strongly motivated by wanting to avoid discrimination and negative responses from others."

Do you even remember or know who your true self is or has ever been?

But think of the risks? Feeling more exposed, vulnerable, being feeling duped - "so you just "played a role" all of these years. What if they don't like the true you? The saying goes "you can bend a twig but not a branch...after so many years is it feasible to re-set self and start again?

And there, lies the rub, did you mask due to self preservation or just due to a fear of rejection and being outcast from society?

So question: Is it possible to drop the mask? Is that too extreme, or is it just better to find small pockets in life to "be" (you know, when everyone has gone to bed and no one is watching)? Why did we learn to mask in the first place?

Parents
  • . said:

    Do you even remember or know who your true self is or has ever been?

    But think of the risks? Feeling more exposed, vulnerable, being feeling duped - "so you just "played a role" all of these years. What if they don't like the true you? The saying goes "you can bend a twig but not a branch...after so many years is it feasible to re-set self and start again?

    And there, lies the rub, did you mask due to self preservation or just due to a fear of rejection and being outcast from society?

    So question: Is it possible to drop the mask? Is that too extreme, or is it just better to find small pockets in life to "be" (you know, when everyone has gone to bed and no one is watching)? Why did we learn to mask in the first place?

    Do you even remember or know who your true self is or has ever been?

    Just about!  I think that without the masks in front of people I feel very empty like nothing.  I am fine by myself but they have been there so long that they are now a part of me?

    And there, lies the rub, did you mask due to self preservation or just due to a fear of rejection and being outcast from society?

    For all of those reasons plus more; for money, for love, for romance for many other things . . . .

    Is it possible to drop the mask? Is that too extreme?

    I think as you get older it falls away in bigger chunks.  I can't be bothered to mask quite so much at 43.  I am no longer motivated to.  I don't care much about rejection, being outcast and have got to the point where I don't need to self preserve quite so much.  Also I'm tired.  Also, I'm OK.  I don't need to do it anymore.  I am ok with the consequences of that.

     Or is it just better to find small pockets in life to "be" (you know, when everyone has gone to bed and no one is watching)?

    Probably best advised if you really want to take it back to the core Thinking  Much easier to do in the comfort zone of your own 'nest'.

    Why did we learn to mask in the first place?

    Because I sensed I was different and to avoid being outcast or feeling different . . . but it didn't help much because I still felt different.  I just wasn't probably outcast as much as I would have been otherwise?

    I think that now I want to stop.  Unless it's absolutely, absolutely necessary.  I think now I want to be me.  When someone raises an eyebrow, I'm going to explain that "this is autistic".  Will that make it easier for those coming after me if I stop hiding?  I hope so.  Why should I keep hiding?  Who says I can't be me?  No I've had enough of hiding.

    MInd you some of the roles have been fun! 

Reply
  • . said:

    Do you even remember or know who your true self is or has ever been?

    But think of the risks? Feeling more exposed, vulnerable, being feeling duped - "so you just "played a role" all of these years. What if they don't like the true you? The saying goes "you can bend a twig but not a branch...after so many years is it feasible to re-set self and start again?

    And there, lies the rub, did you mask due to self preservation or just due to a fear of rejection and being outcast from society?

    So question: Is it possible to drop the mask? Is that too extreme, or is it just better to find small pockets in life to "be" (you know, when everyone has gone to bed and no one is watching)? Why did we learn to mask in the first place?

    Do you even remember or know who your true self is or has ever been?

    Just about!  I think that without the masks in front of people I feel very empty like nothing.  I am fine by myself but they have been there so long that they are now a part of me?

    And there, lies the rub, did you mask due to self preservation or just due to a fear of rejection and being outcast from society?

    For all of those reasons plus more; for money, for love, for romance for many other things . . . .

    Is it possible to drop the mask? Is that too extreme?

    I think as you get older it falls away in bigger chunks.  I can't be bothered to mask quite so much at 43.  I am no longer motivated to.  I don't care much about rejection, being outcast and have got to the point where I don't need to self preserve quite so much.  Also I'm tired.  Also, I'm OK.  I don't need to do it anymore.  I am ok with the consequences of that.

     Or is it just better to find small pockets in life to "be" (you know, when everyone has gone to bed and no one is watching)?

    Probably best advised if you really want to take it back to the core Thinking  Much easier to do in the comfort zone of your own 'nest'.

    Why did we learn to mask in the first place?

    Because I sensed I was different and to avoid being outcast or feeling different . . . but it didn't help much because I still felt different.  I just wasn't probably outcast as much as I would have been otherwise?

    I think that now I want to stop.  Unless it's absolutely, absolutely necessary.  I think now I want to be me.  When someone raises an eyebrow, I'm going to explain that "this is autistic".  Will that make it easier for those coming after me if I stop hiding?  I hope so.  Why should I keep hiding?  Who says I can't be me?  No I've had enough of hiding.

    MInd you some of the roles have been fun! 

Children
No Data