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Huge faux pas in social situation. How do I fix it?

Moomin5

Hi, I was recently in a social situation where I was part of a group meet up with quite a few people that I don't know. I walked into a room and was going to compliment someone on the outfit that she was wearing. However, instead I ended up looking her up and down and staring at her boobs. I didn't mean to do this at all obviously and she noticed. It was awful and I feel really embarrassed about the whole thing. Neither of us mentioned it but I feel dreadful about making her feel uncomfortable. I could easily find her on Facebook to apologise but I just think that will make it even worse! Should I just leave it? I will see her again within a few months so really don't know what to do. Thanks for reading. 

Parents

  • Definitely don't go looking for her on Facebook. I would find that terribly creepy if a guy who'd been apparently staring at my breasts came looking for me on social media. What you might do when you see her again really depends on whether she's likely to remember you or not. Since that would be hard to tell unless she showed signs of ignoring you, sent you dirty looks or avoided you when you next meet, you may be best letting the matter rest and hoping she's forgotten.

    If she does show signs of remembering your last encounter you could maybe try approaching her respectfully - asking her if she could spare you a minute, perhaps. In that situation I'd want a guy to say to me something like 'I think I made you feel uncomfortable last time we met. It wasn't deliberate, I have issues with my concentration, but I am sorry if I made you feel bad in any way'. Taking responsibility, apologising, respecting her boundaries, and explaining the problem without giving away the whole story - that's what I would do myself in a similar situation and that's what I would hope for myself from a man who'd made me feel uncomfortable that way. Believe me, she'll have suffered many such incidents in her life and most likely never had an apology for any of them. It's up to you what you feel you can do - what you might want to do and what you might feel able to do could be very different. It's greatly to your credit that you want to put things right if you can and I hope you can gain closure for yourself and for her.

  • in reply to Hathor

    Thanks for your reply, I'm just going to let it be. Honestly posting has been the best thing as I've gotten fantastic responses. It's stopped me focusing on it and made me have a bit of a laugh at myself. 

  • in reply to Moomin5

    I think you're wise. It may have made the lady uncomfortable briefly but it's not as intrusive as if you were a man and I suspect she'll have forgotten about it by now.

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