Cadets do not understand

I joined the Sea Cadet Corps on 6th September 2011. At the time I was considerd 'normal' (how I always have hated that word) but with some unusal habbits. I was not diagnosed with Autism (or as we now belive high functioning. All we know is I do not have Aspergers Syndrome) untill November/December 2011. 

I and my mum are still trying to work out exactly what type I have and what this means. Then try and get me some support with it. Added to my 16th birthday, moving house a lot recently, Leaving school and my GCSE exams it has taken a long time. Their is no-one at my school (which is a mainstreem school) who knows about autism despite the fact we have a large learning support centre for people with many complex needs (some in wheelchairs, others with learning dificulties) Now we are trying to work on making sure I have support next year. 

The place where I have the biggest problem is cadets. When I joined I was the first new entry there (everyone else was a higher rank) and their were very few of them. (8 sea cadets and I think 12 marines if everyone was there). It took me a long time to get used to the place and how things worked (makes sence  now we know I have autism but at the time it was 'just me' and what I always did) and as the only new person I was often just put into some other lesson.  

Since then their have been lots of new people join. Their are now 20 marines and at least 25 sea cadets including 8 new entires and 6 new entry cadets. I am now a sea cadet. My mum also goes to cadets and voulenteers in helping with paperwork and admin. She is always in the office and cannot mix with any cadets. 

The staff (not just my mum) do know about me having autism because it is written on my forms and has been when I went away for a weekend. But, this does not mean they help me. Before my mum started to go she went in and spoke to one of the staff (who has a disabled son) and asked if they could do even small things which would make a big difference for me. For example for me to stand at the edge when in a squad not in the middle. 

However, they did not do this. I have been bullied in cadets by the people who are lower rank than me since as soon as they joined in December. As more have joined the bullying has got worse because they all tell each other to bully me. All the 8 new entries that are there will bully me. 

I have with my mum spoken to staff and they say because it is not school thier is nothing they can do. I am very educated about bullying not just because I have had it for 13 years but because I have been trained as a mentor and I voulenteer online helping other people being bullied. My argument is that it is not like school and therefore they do not have to be there. Their is lots of cadets so throw the really bad ones out and hope the others are then nicer to me.

It really annoys me because at stand easy (as it is called but means break time) I want to sit on the floor in the corner and read my book. But I cannot because people come over and put things in my hair or hat, sit next to me/lean on me, get upset when I refuce to hug them, sing to me and everything else they have done. Last week I was crying because of it. 

I just do not know what to do anymore. I joined cadets because I expected it to be orderd and disiplied whcih I would like and because I got a love for kayaking in the summer and wanted to do other boatwork. I cannot go on any courses this summer because they were all booked before my unit told us the dates for them. I am thinking I should leave, but if I did I expect they would be sad because I am the only cadet who can learn things no-one else can learn. (although I get annoyed I cannot learn things everyone else finds easy). I do not know what to do because if I did leave I would not have anything to do all the time. 

sorry it is so long but please help me. 

Parents
  • Amy, based on what you have said I am not sure that these kids are deliberately bullying you.  Coming over when you want to be left alone and singing at you or hugging you - if you observe them amongst themselves, do they do this sort of thing to each other?  Do they seem to mind?  But clearly they are giving you a very hard time and someone needs to tell them so.  Either you must do it, or you need to talk to one of the adults and they need to talk to them.

    And it needs to be really specific - not just 'Don't bully Amy'.  Perhaps something along the following lines:

    Amy has ASD.  That means it is very stressful for her to be here in a group.  Sometimes she needs to sit alone to decompress.  When she is sitting alone with a book, she needs to be left alone.

    If she was NT, sitting alone would mean she was feeling lonely.  She would welcome a crowd of people coming and singing and hugging her.  Or, if she was NT and introverted, she would not welcome it, but she would be able to cope with it.   But she has ASD and she cannot cope with it.

    So, please follow some rules (make up your own appropriate ones here Amy.  Something like:)  If Amy is reading a book, leave her alone.  Do not all try to speak to her at once, she can only deal with one person at a time.  Do not touch her hair.  Etc.

    You do have to be explicit.  It is very difficult for huggy people to understand that not everyone likes to be hugged.  It is very important that they do come to understand it.  Find an adult to back you up on this.

    I do hope you will be able to continue at Sea Cadets.

Reply
  • Amy, based on what you have said I am not sure that these kids are deliberately bullying you.  Coming over when you want to be left alone and singing at you or hugging you - if you observe them amongst themselves, do they do this sort of thing to each other?  Do they seem to mind?  But clearly they are giving you a very hard time and someone needs to tell them so.  Either you must do it, or you need to talk to one of the adults and they need to talk to them.

    And it needs to be really specific - not just 'Don't bully Amy'.  Perhaps something along the following lines:

    Amy has ASD.  That means it is very stressful for her to be here in a group.  Sometimes she needs to sit alone to decompress.  When she is sitting alone with a book, she needs to be left alone.

    If she was NT, sitting alone would mean she was feeling lonely.  She would welcome a crowd of people coming and singing and hugging her.  Or, if she was NT and introverted, she would not welcome it, but she would be able to cope with it.   But she has ASD and she cannot cope with it.

    So, please follow some rules (make up your own appropriate ones here Amy.  Something like:)  If Amy is reading a book, leave her alone.  Do not all try to speak to her at once, she can only deal with one person at a time.  Do not touch her hair.  Etc.

    You do have to be explicit.  It is very difficult for huggy people to understand that not everyone likes to be hugged.  It is very important that they do come to understand it.  Find an adult to back you up on this.

    I do hope you will be able to continue at Sea Cadets.

Children
No Data