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Please help me understand!

Iwanttounderstand

A friend of mine that I made online has recently been diagnosed with Aspergers. I'm so pleased for her as she has been looking to get a diagnosis for a long time. She is a uni student who excels in languages & music & has recently got herself a job in the restaurent business.

What I'm hoping you can help me with is understanding her a bit better so I can support her. She is eloquent online, but has difficulties understanding when people are being inquistitive, seeing it instead as bullying. People in an unrelated FB group try to understand her by asking questions but can be soundly rebuffed by her. She also seems to take the slightest comment very negatively, lashing out on facebook, sometimes to extremes.

She also has a flair for drama, recently setting up a fake profile & trying to incite negative reactions from members of a group although I'm unsure why.

Are these things 'normal' if you pardon the phrase. I try to counsel her to think before she posts anything and reread it but she is very impulsive. Can you give me any advice so that I can support her??

Thank you

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  • It's nice that you ask and try to understand and be constant. Tip: Read about "Theory of Mind" and lack thereof. (en.wikipedia.org/.../Theory_of_mind)

    The poem is suprisingly good, too. I think the term "wrong planet" sums it up pretty well: NTs suffer from the collective illusion that they all agree on what is obvious, even if their believes are objectively contradictory. Oversimplified, Aspies either actively debate these discrepancies, or silently watch "the madness unfold".

    Having AS would be an explanation for confusing behaviour, but it's not an excuse for everything. It's "normal" for Aspies to get into misunderstandings, but it doesn't mean you "must" accept the misunderstanding and let her die in ignorance. Just be more explicit than with others, make no assumptions, and have patience.

    I know an Aspie who jumps headfirst into drama and "T.M.I.", but she doesn't see it that way at all. I just let her talk, but others explained to her repeatedly that "this" upsets them and she should please stop "it". After they explained it to her 4 times, she toned "it" down, but she is not sure what is not-safe-for-work unless they tell her explicitly.

    You wrote: "trying to incite negative reactions from members of a group although I'm unsure why."

    Guess that's the next thing to find out, explicitly: What does she think she is doing? Why does she do it? Did she achieve her goal? What does she believe the others think she is doing? Is she aware they see it as incitement? Why is she angry? Is she aware of the others' anger? Why did she join this FB group in the first place, and why did the others join, and is there a clash? (I would like to ask such "obvious" questions, but I don't, because "obviousness" annoys people.)

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  • It's nice that you ask and try to understand and be constant. Tip: Read about "Theory of Mind" and lack thereof. (en.wikipedia.org/.../Theory_of_mind)

    The poem is suprisingly good, too. I think the term "wrong planet" sums it up pretty well: NTs suffer from the collective illusion that they all agree on what is obvious, even if their believes are objectively contradictory. Oversimplified, Aspies either actively debate these discrepancies, or silently watch "the madness unfold".

    Having AS would be an explanation for confusing behaviour, but it's not an excuse for everything. It's "normal" for Aspies to get into misunderstandings, but it doesn't mean you "must" accept the misunderstanding and let her die in ignorance. Just be more explicit than with others, make no assumptions, and have patience.

    I know an Aspie who jumps headfirst into drama and "T.M.I.", but she doesn't see it that way at all. I just let her talk, but others explained to her repeatedly that "this" upsets them and she should please stop "it". After they explained it to her 4 times, she toned "it" down, but she is not sure what is not-safe-for-work unless they tell her explicitly.

    You wrote: "trying to incite negative reactions from members of a group although I'm unsure why."

    Guess that's the next thing to find out, explicitly: What does she think she is doing? Why does she do it? Did she achieve her goal? What does she believe the others think she is doing? Is she aware they see it as incitement? Why is she angry? Is she aware of the others' anger? Why did she join this FB group in the first place, and why did the others join, and is there a clash? (I would like to ask such "obvious" questions, but I don't, because "obviousness" annoys people.)

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