I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome (informally by a NHS Psychologist and then formally by two NHS Psychiatrists), in the summer of 2011.
I have most of the stereotypical AS traits and characteristics, and possible Dyspraxia.
However, I suspect that I may also have something called Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder - http://anxietypanichealth.com/reference/separation-anxiety-disorder-adult/
I suffer from severe home-sickness; so much so, I moved back home to my elderly parents about 18 months ago (despite being in my mid-30s).
I also do not like to be away from home for any length of time; spending a day in London, staying overnight in a hotel and travelling back home to Kent is about as long as I go on holiday for!
I also suffer from a debilitating, overwhelming fear of their dying. (Today, they boarded a plane flight for Spain, for a few days break. Whenever they are flying, I always fear the worst; more so than when they are travelling by coach.) When an ambulance goes racing past, I always fear the worst. Sometimes, when I am at work, I phone home to check they are ok.
I have a fear of my parents having to go into a care home and the local council forcing me to sell their home to pay for their care. (Thankfully, due to my Autism and due to my depression and anxiety, I am hoping I would be recognised as a dependant, disabled, vulnerable person and therefore not forced to sell their home, or at worst, offered social housing.) In other words, I have an overwhelming fear of being made homeless.
I am absolutely dreading when they will eventually pass on. And not wanting to sound uncaring, I am absolutely dreading all the funeral arrangements, telling relations and attending the funeral.
Unfortunately, my sister and I are like chalk and cheese, personality-wise. Sometimes we can come to blows and she does not always appreciate my mental health problems and AS. This does not make things easy.
I have had some suicidal thoughts, such as thinking of ending my own life before they die, so that I do not have to face up to their passing. It is an utterly selfish and irrational thought, I know. Due to their still being alive, I have no intention of committing suicide; it’s just that I get these black thoughts sometimes. (As my GP says, there is a world of difference between thinking of suicide and actually acting out on it.) And by coincidence, I actually work at a NHS Psychiatric Hospital; so I am literally seconds away from Psychiatric staff who can help me if I am feeling really bad.
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Can anybody give me some advice or point me in the direction of charities and support groups who may be able to help?
Any help, advice and/or kind words of sympathy would be appreciated!
