Published on 12, July, 2020
So I swear I used to basically be fine although that being said living at home and going to school and having a schedule is a lot less trying than where I am now but also I was largely just depressed I didn't really notice much around me other than I was different.
Anyway I only just started to figure I should go see about getting a proper test because it seems to be affecting my life more and more. I think I quit uni (twice) because of it, I can't hold down a job or a relationship but at least I used to travel around the UK a bit. Now I'm mostly stuck in London as my dad wouldn't let me move back in so it's the only place I know how to live for free since I haven't been able to work and all. I'm very much a countryside person though so I miss it but also London is ridiculously stressful as people stare at me, don't smile and there's a lot of noise and stuff going on. It's gotten to a point where I'm scared of crossing roads because I can't handle all the noise and movement so I just can't process what I need to process aka a car coming at me. I tend to therefore only go out when it's dark to rush to a shop or the library and as someone who kinda needs to be able to wonder about in the forests for a few hours a day that...is not ideal. I also am currently *** on public transport. I've started wearing a hat and headphones to limit what I can see and hear but I still end up stressing, hiding behind my bag, in my hands or nearly crying. Anyway I for sure didn't used to be that bad. I think I used to have some aspie traits but like more manageable, I've never had sensory issues this hard to manage. Am I stressed about being in London or is it like some weird reaction to thinking I might have aspergers? It is making me freak out a lot like when I first realised I'm trans and I sorta knew it was so but also kept questioning it actually happening to me.
So I think I need therapy and help dealing with it plus an actual test so I can stop questioning but also I know getting a diagnosis takes forever and I kinda don't want to be in a waiting period but in the meantime any insights into people's own experiences or advice I'd love.
Also if you read this and you go by Anon in some circles please please contact me on here if you don't mind I'd really like to talk to you but if not I'll likely see you in the last weekend of February so it's not such a long wait...
J-aspie said: Am I stressed about being in London or is it like some weird reaction to thinking I might have aspergers?
Living here IS very stressful, I would never refute that. But if you do not have a "Formal Diagnosis" then my closing suggestion is that such a thing is always best to obtain with regards to the LAW. Gaining "extra support, services, understanding" and such like. Also, once gained, the diagnosis does not have to be declared unless needs must. People (and Laws) act differently when Autism is stated, and it need not be a limitation. Different people and circumstances remain just that: ..."different". I do not judge, I only try to exist here... most times...
Yeah I was thinking that a formal diagnosis might enable me to get proper support to then be able to get a job and move away from London to somewhere I can cope better.
Currently I'm trying to write a book instead using my "more charming" aspie trait of a total obsession with snakes but this is likely not the fastest way to get me making enough money to move out of London
It does seem to be a good idea to try get a formal diagnosis anyway I just think as someone else said on another thread I'm afraid of how I'll react to a diagnosis or I might even get told that I'm not autistic...