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Reactions to shouting

Nadielou

Hi, does anyone else ever get told they are over reacting when someone is shouting or raising their voice?

I hate being in the same room when it's not directed at me, but when it is it's even worse. My anxiety levels sky rocket I start to panic and then cry and if the person shouting doesn't stop I seem to explode and just start screaming. 

I find it incredibly hard to think everything just becomes this overwhelming pit of anxiety and then after I just feel so drained I could sleep for days. They don't even have to have raised their voice a lot for it to start

Is this part of being on the spectrum or is his another issue entirely ? 

Parents

  • I get told I'm over reacting all the time! Or 'over thinking / analysing things', 'making a big deal out of nothing', and other such comments. Having read up on ASD constantly since my diagnosis it seems to be part of being on the spectrum but i'm certainly no expert. I also don't necessarily agree that it's 'OVER' reacting just because my reaction is different to someone else's. 

    I can recognise your reaction to being shouted at, or being present when someone else is being shouted at, as the same reactions I had twenty years ago and throughout my childhood and teens. Bearing in mind that i'm now 44 years of age, it's probably been about that long ago since I experienced someone shouting directly at me. I guess the good news from that is that it seems to happen less as you get older. 

    Nowadays shouting (even when it's directed at someone else) still makes me feel tense and panicked but i've no idea what other people see: On the most recent occasion I was sitting at a table with two other parents when one of their children approached and began crying, shouting, and complaining that her sister was awful to her and describing all of the reasons why she hated her sister. The parent got annoyed at the child whilst giving her platitudes and advice to ignore her sister - all of which I thought 'fair enough', that's just how that family works as I sat quietly waiting for it to be over because the whole episode was making me feel anxious but I didn't think it would be polite if I were just to get up and walk away (which is what I wanted to do, just to get away from the shouting). 

    The next thing I know, as the child was walking away and I felt able to breathe again, the parent turned to me, leaned towards me in a way that felt aggressive, and sort of 'hissed' at me "I suppose your children NEVER fight, do they?"

    To this day I have no idea what that was all about! My children weren't even there! Two of my children aren't even children anymore so, No Actually they don't fight with one another like that but obviously they DID years ago when they were all very small. I can only assume that I was supposed to butt in and say or do something (What?) but failed to, or that I was supposed to walk away (????). I have no idea. I have no particular viewpoint on her children so Iv'e no idea what prompted her to suddenly mention mine !?!? Or what on earth my children had to do with a situation between her and her daughter, it's completely baffling. 

    Anyway, in answer to your question, I can relate to your experiences re. shouting but it doesn't look as if i'm the best person to give anyone advice about it as my own reactions are apparently 'Wrong'.     

  • in reply to Endymion
    Endymion said:
    On the most recent occasion I was sitting at a table with two other parents when one of their children approached and began crying,

    (I apologise in advance for not being good at "chat".) 

    Please do not go into detail concerning relationships, however, I am attempting curiosity... were these parents/children familiar with yourself, and did they (the child) approach you in person and cry with their appeal ("crying")...?

Reply
  • in reply to Endymion
    Endymion said:
    On the most recent occasion I was sitting at a table with two other parents when one of their children approached and began crying,

    (I apologise in advance for not being good at "chat".) 

    Please do not go into detail concerning relationships, however, I am attempting curiosity... were these parents/children familiar with yourself, and did they (the child) approach you in person and cry with their appeal ("crying")...?

Children
  • in reply to Endymion

    Thank you for a reply... yet I am even more confused... BUT!...

    ...The reason for my own curiosity was, basically, if you know what my UserName means (DC). Whenever people want to shout at someone, or have children let loose, then, I do not know these persons, yet even in a crowd, they -adults, children - will always approach ME. They need something to focus upon, or to work out stress upon, and that will be ME. I say nothing, do nothing, yet this happens. All my life. This is why, back upon Topic, if someone "shouts", I notice it, fear it, and turn on my heel to walk away, or never give direct eye contact, and try to access LOGIC (i.e. is it genuine or random?). Yes, this seems "cold", but being AS, Emotions touch deeply and I cannot always tell the difference, and so that is what I have learnt to do... End of Post...

  • in reply to Disambiguating Cynosure

    Sorry, I tried not to describe the people in any identifying detail. Both the parents and child are familiar to me, acquaintances I would say. The child didn't approach me at all, I just happened to be sitting there when the child approached its mother. The child was actually crying (tears) while speaking.