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Hi Ellie
Well, I'm a 43 year self diagnosed Aspie woman and your post does resonate with me. My partner is the only one who knows and he has agreed with my self diagnosis after reading about it. However, he has not changed his expectations of me and as long as we plough on as we always have done then he's happy enough. So is that good enough for me? Hmm, still pondering that one.
I've pondered the 'diagnose or not' question a few times over the last few years (I realised a few years ago but didn't really ponder what being Aspie meant again until a few months ago). I think it comes down to what it is you think you will get from it and whether after going through it all you will get what you want, or at least some of it. I've pondered it as a cost benefit analysis (suits the way my mind works) and I keep coming to the conclusion that I can't be bothered with the diagnosis route. But that's right for me. I'll give you some of my bullet points for my pros and cons.
Getting a diagnosis:
1) Independent validation: Whilst I think I identify with the Aspie way of thinking I am not independent of the self diagnosis so I find it hard to be able to fully call myself Aspie. Diagnosis, if received, would provide this independent validation.
2) Being able to tell people that I am Aspie: Currently I don't tell people as I don't think that they will believe me without a professional diagnosis. I have become adept at masking, with people calling me 'weird' but generally finding me acceptable because I'm 'polite'. Perhaps people will stop calling me 'weird' and accept that I think differently. Though I do kinda like being called 'weird'!
3) Promoting awareness: I would love to promote awareness of autism to try to make some positive changes. In order to do this I would need a diagnosis. Who would listen to me without having had a professional diagnose me? How could I possible advocate for autism if I can't honestly say that I have any real knowledge of it.
4) Getting support: Theoretically it would be nice if there was support available to look again at things that have affected me. Different treatment strategies for Generalised Anxiety Disorder may be considered rather than the limited options that were originally offered to me and were unsuccessful.
Not getting a diagnosis (or the other side of the coin):
1) Independent lack of validation: I identify with the Aspie way of thinking. If the professionals don't agree where would that leave me? Do I trust the process enough to agree with them or would I feel cheated? Research, particularly on adult women on the spectrum is still developing and as such may not have been suitably shared across all of the autism diagnostic centres. The process appears to take a lot of time and can be stressful. I have other health issues and a lot of family have health issues which takes a lot of energy so do I really want to spend any more time in the company of the medical profession?
2) Will telling people I am Aspie change anything?: there is an assumption that having a diagnosis and being able to share it will change things. However, I'm not convinced that most people really understand autism. To me, the fundamental thing about it is that you perceive the world in a different way. I am happy to accept that because I have had over 40 years of observing a lot of people who I can see perceive the world differently to me. So I am very experienced in being able to see how thinking differently affects a whole range of things in life. The majority of people have spent their lives not observing such things. How well will they be able to accept this concept of perceiving the world differently and what it means? Will they just assume that I have to learn how to fit in, which is actually all that happens now.
3) Promoting awareness: surely this is a good thing!!
4) Getting support: As far as I can tell the level of support available to adults is limited. I don't currently work so don't need to seek any kind of changes to my work environment. I doubt I'd be eligible for any financial support as I've already looked at such things in detail for my other health condition. I have worked in the past and I have a pretty good CV so on paper I don't look like someone who struggles (other than the diagnosis of Generalised Anxiety Disorder for several years).
Conclusion:
1) Self validation: As long as I identify with the Aspie way of thinking then what would an independent view change?
2) It would be nice to be able to tell people I am Aspie but I am concerned about what effect that will have on the people around me, or whether there will be no effect at all. Until I'm certain that there would be some kind of benefit to telling people then I'm not sure I want to spend the time going through the diagnostic process.
3) Promoting awareness would be one of my main reasons for getting a diagnosis.
4) I'm not convinced that there is currently a support network available that would make a diagnosis worthwhile.
I've no doubt that I will continue to argue all of these points in my mind unless I seek a diagnosis. But I know my brain well and I know that even with the answer of a diagnosis I will always have more questions. So I'm not convinced that for me a diagnosis would give me sufficient piece of mind.
Ellie, for you, you may have a completely different set of pros and cons. Have you laid them out and looked at them? What is it you really want from it, do you think what you want will be served by getting a diagnosis and will the process of going through it be outweighed by the end result? Have you considered what would happen if the diagnosis did not agree with what you think or how you feel? Will that change anything for you or would you continue to identify with the Aspie way of thinking anyway?
Always happy to talk through these things, but at the end of it all it really is only your decision as to what is best for you.
X
Hi Ellie
Well, I'm a 43 year self diagnosed Aspie woman and your post does resonate with me. My partner is the only one who knows and he has agreed with my self diagnosis after reading about it. However, he has not changed his expectations of me and as long as we plough on as we always have done then he's happy enough. So is that good enough for me? Hmm, still pondering that one.
I've pondered the 'diagnose or not' question a few times over the last few years (I realised a few years ago but didn't really ponder what being Aspie meant again until a few months ago). I think it comes down to what it is you think you will get from it and whether after going through it all you will get what you want, or at least some of it. I've pondered it as a cost benefit analysis (suits the way my mind works) and I keep coming to the conclusion that I can't be bothered with the diagnosis route. But that's right for me. I'll give you some of my bullet points for my pros and cons.
Getting a diagnosis:
1) Independent validation: Whilst I think I identify with the Aspie way of thinking I am not independent of the self diagnosis so I find it hard to be able to fully call myself Aspie. Diagnosis, if received, would provide this independent validation.
2) Being able to tell people that I am Aspie: Currently I don't tell people as I don't think that they will believe me without a professional diagnosis. I have become adept at masking, with people calling me 'weird' but generally finding me acceptable because I'm 'polite'. Perhaps people will stop calling me 'weird' and accept that I think differently. Though I do kinda like being called 'weird'!
3) Promoting awareness: I would love to promote awareness of autism to try to make some positive changes. In order to do this I would need a diagnosis. Who would listen to me without having had a professional diagnose me? How could I possible advocate for autism if I can't honestly say that I have any real knowledge of it.
4) Getting support: Theoretically it would be nice if there was support available to look again at things that have affected me. Different treatment strategies for Generalised Anxiety Disorder may be considered rather than the limited options that were originally offered to me and were unsuccessful.
Not getting a diagnosis (or the other side of the coin):
1) Independent lack of validation: I identify with the Aspie way of thinking. If the professionals don't agree where would that leave me? Do I trust the process enough to agree with them or would I feel cheated? Research, particularly on adult women on the spectrum is still developing and as such may not have been suitably shared across all of the autism diagnostic centres. The process appears to take a lot of time and can be stressful. I have other health issues and a lot of family have health issues which takes a lot of energy so do I really want to spend any more time in the company of the medical profession?
2) Will telling people I am Aspie change anything?: there is an assumption that having a diagnosis and being able to share it will change things. However, I'm not convinced that most people really understand autism. To me, the fundamental thing about it is that you perceive the world in a different way. I am happy to accept that because I have had over 40 years of observing a lot of people who I can see perceive the world differently to me. So I am very experienced in being able to see how thinking differently affects a whole range of things in life. The majority of people have spent their lives not observing such things. How well will they be able to accept this concept of perceiving the world differently and what it means? Will they just assume that I have to learn how to fit in, which is actually all that happens now.
3) Promoting awareness: surely this is a good thing!!
4) Getting support: As far as I can tell the level of support available to adults is limited. I don't currently work so don't need to seek any kind of changes to my work environment. I doubt I'd be eligible for any financial support as I've already looked at such things in detail for my other health condition. I have worked in the past and I have a pretty good CV so on paper I don't look like someone who struggles (other than the diagnosis of Generalised Anxiety Disorder for several years).
Conclusion:
1) Self validation: As long as I identify with the Aspie way of thinking then what would an independent view change?
2) It would be nice to be able to tell people I am Aspie but I am concerned about what effect that will have on the people around me, or whether there will be no effect at all. Until I'm certain that there would be some kind of benefit to telling people then I'm not sure I want to spend the time going through the diagnostic process.
3) Promoting awareness would be one of my main reasons for getting a diagnosis.
4) I'm not convinced that there is currently a support network available that would make a diagnosis worthwhile.
I've no doubt that I will continue to argue all of these points in my mind unless I seek a diagnosis. But I know my brain well and I know that even with the answer of a diagnosis I will always have more questions. So I'm not convinced that for me a diagnosis would give me sufficient piece of mind.
Ellie, for you, you may have a completely different set of pros and cons. Have you laid them out and looked at them? What is it you really want from it, do you think what you want will be served by getting a diagnosis and will the process of going through it be outweighed by the end result? Have you considered what would happen if the diagnosis did not agree with what you think or how you feel? Will that change anything for you or would you continue to identify with the Aspie way of thinking anyway?
Always happy to talk through these things, but at the end of it all it really is only your decision as to what is best for you.
X
