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Hi Ellie,
I really wanted to reply to your post but I have struggled to know how or where to come in. I often really struggle with this ‘barrier’ during informal discussions; I am really excruciatingly poor at making small talk or personal chat, even though I really want to. But I am going to persevere.
What I really wanted to offer, at the risk of being sexist, is that I have thought very long and hard about masks and personas in this life, and I can’t help but wonder if some of these are part of being a woman?
It seems to me that part of being a woman, particularly one of our generation, is that we are groomed from an early age to put the needs of others before our own? I think we (women) are actively encouraged to be selfless, to be accommodating, and to make significant sacrifices for others. And I think this can naturally lead to a crisis point at our age when we may begin to question these roles that are forced upon us from an early age, and begin to desire something for ourselves, to BE ourselves? To be fully acknowledged, valued and desired for the person we are, not what we ‘do’ or the ‘masks’ we wear?
I am certain that men are not exempt from having to adopt personas in order to survive and ensure the proximity (care, support, love) of others. However, after considerable thought, I do believe this curse may be particularly pertinent for women.
The expectations upon women in our society to be ‘the good daughter, the good wife, the good friend, the good mother’ (and much more recently, within my lifetime, the good colleague, the good career woman, the good breadwinner, thin, attractive, forever young, sexy…) are still extraordinarily strong. And in order to ‘achieve’ these things I think we do end up/ have to sacrifice and disavow valid bits of ourselves, NT or ND alike?
I wonder further if it is directly because of these powerful and pervasive expectations (upon women to be someone else who is groomed to be ‘in the service of others,’) that actually underpin the whole ‘difficulty with diagnosing female ASD?’
So, I guess I wanted to ask; what are your (or anyone else’s) thoughts about gender being a significant factor with regards to ‘wearing masks?’
x
Hi Ellie,
I really wanted to reply to your post but I have struggled to know how or where to come in. I often really struggle with this ‘barrier’ during informal discussions; I am really excruciatingly poor at making small talk or personal chat, even though I really want to. But I am going to persevere.
What I really wanted to offer, at the risk of being sexist, is that I have thought very long and hard about masks and personas in this life, and I can’t help but wonder if some of these are part of being a woman?
It seems to me that part of being a woman, particularly one of our generation, is that we are groomed from an early age to put the needs of others before our own? I think we (women) are actively encouraged to be selfless, to be accommodating, and to make significant sacrifices for others. And I think this can naturally lead to a crisis point at our age when we may begin to question these roles that are forced upon us from an early age, and begin to desire something for ourselves, to BE ourselves? To be fully acknowledged, valued and desired for the person we are, not what we ‘do’ or the ‘masks’ we wear?
I am certain that men are not exempt from having to adopt personas in order to survive and ensure the proximity (care, support, love) of others. However, after considerable thought, I do believe this curse may be particularly pertinent for women.
The expectations upon women in our society to be ‘the good daughter, the good wife, the good friend, the good mother’ (and much more recently, within my lifetime, the good colleague, the good career woman, the good breadwinner, thin, attractive, forever young, sexy…) are still extraordinarily strong. And in order to ‘achieve’ these things I think we do end up/ have to sacrifice and disavow valid bits of ourselves, NT or ND alike?
I wonder further if it is directly because of these powerful and pervasive expectations (upon women to be someone else who is groomed to be ‘in the service of others,’) that actually underpin the whole ‘difficulty with diagnosing female ASD?’
So, I guess I wanted to ask; what are your (or anyone else’s) thoughts about gender being a significant factor with regards to ‘wearing masks?’
x
