Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone!
It's the time of year when my family start asking me what my plans for Christmas are. I'm an adult who was diagnosed a few years ago. My family tend to get together with lots of people in one house on Christmas day. I always find this difficult to deal with. The last time I attended this celebration, I couldn't eat and I spend the day crying and hiding sat on the floor in a corner of the kitchen.
So what's the problem?
Only a few very close members of my family know that I have autism. On the day I received my diagnosis, I was told by my mother not to tell members of my family. Since then, the reaction of those who do know seems to be to pretend I am not autistic and I feel a lot of pressure to 'act normal'. I think people feel very awkward about it and don't know how to respond but it makes me feel like its considered something shameful. I don't want to be ashamed of who I am. I can't stand people touching me and I've caused problems at family gatherings before by having a strong negative reaction to hugs, kisses and the like. I hate not being able to explain why I behave the way I do and I feel very isolated from my family.
So back to Christmas.
I don't want to make plans for Christmas, I just want to spend the day at home with my partner (who is the most amazingly supportive person in the world) but I don't know how to tell my family that I can't handle our big family get-together. I would also like to get more involved in family gatherings around the festive season but there's so much pressure to hide my autism.
Can anyone offer any advice on how to deal with the stress of Christmas or how to deal with a family who don't know about autism?
Thanks for reading my long post, I'd love to hear your experiences.
We 'hold' Christmas at our house, so mother-in-law comes on Christmas day (as did my mother and friend when they were alive) and Father-in-law on Christmas Eve. The children will tend to 'entertain' them and my wife stays in the room with them.I simply cook. I like cooking. We have a narrow kitchen which makes it difficult to have more than one person working at the same time. I can listen to the radio if I wish (3pm, Christmas Eve, Carols from Kings, whilst kneeding bread for rolls for dinner). I can have a G&T or can of Pepsi Max on the side. And I do need to concentrate on it - all vegetarian apart from one vegan, but one person doesn't like dried fruit, mushrooms, peas or creamy, another doesn't like onions or garlic... I have to come up with several variants.Everyone gets fed on time and seem to like the food, and I have an excuse for not socialising most of the time.In the past we have gone to Center Parcs in the Netherlands for Christmas, just with daughters. It started the year after our first daughter was born then died over the festive perios and we wanted to get away from British families and the Dutch celebrations are different. Also we could just lock ourselves away and watch foreign TV without people calling round.When we went with the children, although there were a few UK people at the parks, it just felt much calmer than the UK (apart from New Years Eve, when, from dusk, it sounds as if WW1 has re-started.
capers123 said:apart from New Years Eve, when, from dusk, it sounds as if WW1 has re-started
That's what I can't stand about that time in Germany... Especially close-ish to the Czech border where lots of people buy fireworks with huge amounts of black powder (they are illegal for a reason but there are still enough idiots using them)
I’m dreading it already.....but it is partly my own fault as tge invited Christmas guests don’t know of my label...
i am expecting guests for Xmas eve and day...a household of 8 on Boxing Day and a household of 9 the day after...I am also good at hiding in the kitchen.....but this is not just going to about getting through one day!
Arrrrrrrgh!
:)