Dog to help with anxiety and confidence

I wrote the original thread. I didn't mean to cause trouble. I'm trying to help my 6 year old son. As the forum is parent /Carers I didn't think to proof read the thread to see if an autistic person would take it literally. Maybe I should but I wasn't expecting a response from anyone other than a parent with experience of a dog to help autistic children.

when I read Dc response I cried. Again maybe I should be stronger.maybe she didn't mean it but when you ask for guidance and assistance you don't expect a response which is so critical. I may not have autism but I live with it day in and out and it's hard.

nas24896 thinks I've gone out of my way for Dc to feel bad. I want Dc to be aware of consequences of posting messages such as hers for her own benefit. I've tried to be polite despite how hurt I was. You might say she can't understand as she is autistic but that is like saying people who are autistic have an excuse to behave in any way the way. That is true of some autistic people who society will accept but I'm afraid it's naive to think that there are no consequences for actions even for autistic people. I want my son to learn what will upset people even if he doesn't understand why.  This is because I love him and I want him to have the best chance in life.if he grows up with no boundaries as to what he can do and say there will be consequences when he older. I resent any assertion that I want someone with autism to feel bad. I want a person (with or without autism) to appreciate words hurt. The response was rude. Perhaps Dc wasn't aware. My point however unpalatable it might seem is that autism is a lifelong hidden condition as a society we need to help, have patience with and understand an autistic persons actions. It doesn't mean that person can say and do what they like. I work in the criminal justice system and represent a disproportionate number of autistic clients who have ended up acting in a criminal way as they don't understand. How sad is that ? So please before anyone judges me for telling an autistic person that they have upset me consider the consequences if we never do. 

Thanks Spotty Tortoise.

NAS24896 - There is a certain irony to your response. You say that continuing to exchange emails will 'take the focus away from the original question'.

That is exactly what the response from DC achieved. Possibly as a result of a 'misunderstanding', although the content of the response suggests that is not entirely the case.

What this experience has served to do is confirm to Tracy that this is not a resource that is worth using, as not a single positive piece of feedback on the subject has been provided. 

Maybe DC is right and Tracy should just continue to take expert opinion and undertake online research . But surely that then begs the question of what exactly is the purpose of this 'community' , if not to seek feedback from individuals who may have shared experiences?

They say you learn by your mistakes and inviting feedback on here that may help inform what is a very important decision that is not being taken lightly has certainly proven to be a mistake.

I do not wish to discuss this further and do not think you should either. Tracy would like some advice on dogs and if we continue to exchange emails this will take the focus away from the original question.

I don't think there are any...

Would you care to highlight the 'very valid points' made by DC ?

This is my first time on this forum and I am truly saddened by the way you have replied back to DC. Yourself and Tracey are not Autistic and have gone out of your way to make DC feel terrible for her reply. As a Autistic parent you should know things are taken out of context and DC was replying in her own way and I thought made some very valid points. You have no right to tell DC of on a forum where she was giving her advise even if you agree or disagree. My grandson is autistic and I hope he never gets spoken to like this.

Disallowed Cynosure - I do not wish to enter into an argument with you but as this is a place for seeking advice I would like to offer you some. 

You have demonstrated that you have the ability to identify words / actions that could be construed as being 'rude' . I would suggest that your autism is not giving you as much difficulty in identifying rude behaviour as you believe. 

My advice is to stop and delete your comments when you identify that there is the possibility of them being interpreted as rude. This will avoid 'misunderstandings' in the future. 

As the father of an autistic child, I am very keen to identify and help my son to identify when he is 'being rude'. It may not be as easy for an autistic child / person to spot this but it is essential that they try . Failure to do so will lead to them alienating themselves and potentially leading a very lonely life. 

You appear fortunate enough to be able to spot potential rude behaviour but you then appear content to 'carry on regardless' . That is something you should work on. 

You have managed to push Tracy (who started this thread) away from this community and I will also be leaving after this message. It just isn't worth the wasted energy getting involved in 'discussions' such as this when your intention was simply to gain some meaningful feedback from individuals who may have followed the same process that Tracy is currently considering. 

I hope you can take the time to digest this feedback and use it in a positive way. 

Kind regards

I APOLOGISE TO EVERYONE WHO READ MY REPLY...
...and for my being Autistic and my writing an Autistic - e.g. misunderstood - reply, upon a website where Autistic people are said to be not misunderstood???

Reading the replies, I could remove my post, but I want it read in a factual way; so that it may be seen (now) how the *positive* things I suggested have been ignored and all else largely used to suggest that the whole thing was an insult --- which it completely was not. I DID warn that I might come across as "rude" but nobody cared for that? Being Autistic, I get this A LOT: no matter what I say, people assume the WORST, and I did not expect it in a place like this (see the first paragraph again). I have written letters in the same way and actually had them PUBLISHED in Asperger United, and so did not expect all of this misunderstanding.

There was no "offending" intended or felt... I took the request too LITERALLY: I assumed that THIS forum/thread was the VERY FIRST place of asking about the subject (of buying a dog). Was it "cruel" to suggest reading, asking, researching about the subject elsewhere where they specialise in dog behaviour? There are even other places on NAS where they discuss "dog" +"child" so I misunderstood.

I also could not tell the difference between asking for advice, rescue dog, rescue dog, dog, rescue, or rescue dog from a rescue shelter. I suggested matters and other places to look... but then people assume that I was telling the lady off, and then for thinking about getting a dog/rescue dog in the first place? Dead wrong. The good thing about a PET would certainly be that they would not mix-up words with meaning, as being proved here. 行く.

Thank you so much for your support.  I was so upset reading the response this morning.  I really didn't mean to use the forum in a way which was not intended and offend anyone but I found the response so awful.   I will get my little boy a dog and do all I can to support her.  I don't think I will use the forum again as I don't need negativity but best put it behind me now.  People can be unintentially very cruel.

Forums such as this are a place to seek support, guidance , hints and tips from people in similar situations as yourself. They allow experiences to be shared and can be a great source of help. 

Response such as that provided by 'Disallowed Cynosure' (DC) will only push people away from using this resource. 

DC has completely missed the point of this post. Tracy has undertaken countless hours of research into the subject and is simply seeking further information from members who may have been in a similar situation. How can having a responsible attitude to a potential decision that will impact not only on a young autistic boy's life but also the life of a dog be criticised?

Surely obtaining as much information before taking such a decision is the correct approach. It is beyond me how such a post can be met with a vitriolic, negative response as that provided by DC . 

Not only has DC missed the point, she has also shown an incredible level of ignorance. The post is clearly made as a possible assistance to an autistic child. It is made on the National Autistic Society's forum. So how can it not be the correct platform?

It is also worth noting that not all dogs at rescue centres have been abused . They can need rehoming for a multitude of reasons. A rescue dog should not simply be written off. 

My advice to DC, is to simply ignore threads that you have nothing positive / informative to add to. 

I would go further and suggest that you are removed from this community as your input is not what forums such as this exist for.

Thank for your reply.  I take all your points on board.  My thread was asking others for their views in order to improve the life of a 6 year old child.  If you were offended I apologise.  I'm tired, emotional and trying to make my child's life better. 

I was just idly looking around the NAS SITE in general, and I spotted this "new" "thread"...

1- If you're really truly serious about ANIMALS (DOGS), then jolly well go out buy a book or search the Internet elsewhere, concerning APPROPRIATE BREEDS OF DOG, instead of having to ask such questions on a website dealing with HUMANS. Then you would already know which animals (dogs) have which the correct "temperament" you are asking for. The kinds of dog most commonly used for "assistance" should give you the best clues.

2- Your words do not make it clear if you are buying a "rescue" dog from a "Rescue Centre"... or if you are buying a dog to "rescue" your child: "Rescue centre" means that the dog has been rescued from an abusive environment, and so is already upset and stressed, and so for any inexperienced person you should not be buying such an animal. Try and locate another reputable breeder, or just go to any other reputable shelter/centre (DogsTrust, BlueCross, BatterseaDogsCatsHome, etc.), and purchase a puppy/half-grown dog.
Even if you have someone helping you, if the dog has been abused, then they will act like a human that has been abused, and you cannot always understand why... but dogs have sharper teeth, you know.

3- You say that you "have contacted a dog trainer"... Is it not strange that this person is not advising you concerning all that you ask, instead of you having to ask it here?

4- ...Lastly. Please do not tell me off if I have seemed to be rude at you. Seeming rude seems to be a seemed part of being Autistic, seemingly. I am also Autistic and I would LOVE any kind of FRIEND - animal or otherwise, but I am not allowed true happiness in my life, and so your child is darned lucky that you are even thinking about gaining a pet for them. I also know about the fact that you have to satisfy certain conditions and then pay huge amounts of money for an "official assistance dog", as opposed to any "unofficial" means of obtaining dogs for free... but how to purchase dogs is a discussion for websites not primarily concerned with human Autism, surely...

5- I can't believe you're still reading. Recommending certain breeds and dog training techniques... is something I shall leave for other people and websites to argue over. さよなら.