Published on 12, July, 2020
My 11 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with ASD (I have been fighting for a diagnosis since she was 5). She is starting high school next month and is extremely anxious about it. I am struggling with her behaviour a lot this summer. If things change or dont go her way, she flies into a rage which includes slamming doors, stamping upstairs, kicking her bedroom door, banging on the floor, throwing things around. Im at a loss as to how to handle this correctly...
Do I discipline her for trashing things and disrespecting property, or do I ignore her as she is releasing her anger and at times is trying to get my attention by doing it? I cant talk to her when shes in a rage as she shuts off, so trying to talk her down is a no go.
Any advice would be appreciated
First of all mummy23girls well done for persevering to get the diagnosis. I am not a parent and not a psychologist, but I was an 11 year old who at times behaved like your daughter. You can see for yourself the challenges of being autistic, on top of that a very big change is ahead of her and on top of that it maybe that she is starting to go through puberty. It is a lot to handle and very confusing. It isn't really a surprise that she is so volatile.
I don't think discipline in the heat of the moment ( hers or yours)will be of any use. But she does need to feel safe and loved and she does have to learn to be responsible for her actions. Time out is quite helpful to me even as an adult. I need space and time to process and adjust to what's happening/sudden changes. Is there any way you can help her with her anxiety about the new school? Introduce her to others already attending? Or seeing if you could quietly have another look right round the school so she can become more familiar with it before going? Let her meet the teacher who is responsible for disabilities and what adjustments she might need there. Unless she is actually damaging something or someone I would let her calm down. Or better still if you can see tension rising before the rage allow some time out then. As autistics we use a lot more energy and so because we get tired more quickly it's easier to get into a rage more quickly too. If you see she's getting tired encourage her to switch off for a while ( you are more likely to know how but art or reading or playing with a pet). Then have a plan about her behaviour. Let her know that if she does x y or z then she will have to do a b or c. For example if she is rude and kicks her bedroom door when she has calmed down without anyone shouting at her then will lose the chance to watch her favourite tv programme or do something to help someone else and if she throws things around when all is calm she will have to help with household tasks or extra ones.
I don't know if this will help. I imagine it's tough and even more so until she settles into the new school
http://m.raisingchildren.net.au/articles/autism_discipline_strategies.html
this says it better! good luck
You ok?
Not really. Trying to help people whilst keeping out of the way but scared I'm saying the wrong things. missed you! Been out this afternoon so that took my mind off it a bit.
Meh...this reminds me of Lord of the Flies!