Struggling!!!

I have 2 autistic children now aged 7 and 14 and as they have grown older I thought I could manage but are finding life extremely hard which in affect has put a massive strain on my relationship with my wife!!!!!!!! the bottom line is I act like I can cope but CANT!!!! I struggle and doubt myself as a parent as I get nervous when around the children and then shut off most probably looking like I don't care!!! is there any advice, courses or anything that I can use to help me on dealing with parenting as I should have admitted years ago that I need advice and help!!!! 

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