Cutting own hair off

Caring less about others viewpoints is not the same as caring less about others....I care,...but I want to be judged on my own terms...it is evident that you care also and deeply x

wellies....ready for anything....I vow never to wear anything I can’t run in....am I running towards...or running away...? Sometimes both x

I can relate to that Elie, I miss the short hair. My hair is really long and thick and it kind of gave me a way of being more ‘accepted’. I don’t like wearing make up or jewellery or ‘girls clothes’ so the hair kind of made me a bit more acceptable. But now I’m no longer feeling the need to pass and fit in, I might go ahead and cut it all off again. It’s easy to look after, I only wash it 2 or 3 times a year and it doesn’t get greasy or anything and I only brush it now and again so it’s low maintenance but still a pain in the but sometimes! 

I know what you mean about wanting to just be you and if people don’t like it, good, that weeded out the ones we don’t want to spend time with! I wear my wellies everywhere and people can’t understand why or they judge me, but I really don’t care anymore and I’ve got a good feeling that I’m gonna continue to care less and less as I become more and more of me :-) 

I miss my hair being short....it is cut and treated as my husband likes it...

for me short hair meant that others didn’t see such a me that was feminine or requiring objectification....like aging, I want to grow grey, be natural and honest with my self identity and portrayal of self ...I want people so see pass this and see me...or just walk past 

Yeah, I had long hair and I eventually snapped and walked round to the hairdressers and told them to cut it all off. The hairdresser wouldn’t do it at first, but eventually, when I just sat there, she did it. 

OMG it felt amazing. I don’t know how short it was in terms of mm, but it was short. She used the clipper thing all over. It was truly amazing, the way it felt. Everyone else was horrified and after a while I felt naked. So it’s long again now but I rarely wash it and I brush it only about once a week, but if I’m honest, I would prefer it shaved off. Maybe I’ll do that again sometime. It definitely feels amazing. 

Try to keep in mind, while there may be all sorts of worrying reasons of some kind it is also entirely possible that she did what she would always have preferred. Like in my case that could still have been initiated by something negative, but isn't negative in itself. Not everybody's reaction was positive (yours for instance), so maybe she thought she should better not do it again. This would not necessarily be the same as not doing something bad to herself again though, but rather to keep doing what other people expect, even if it's not what she would prefer and also not something that should be of any importance to others (the hair itself, I mean, not the issues that may be underneath, quite literally). 

8 weeks also sounds about right, I do it every 6 weeks. It's the time when it doesn't feel right anymore, so the second time may well not have been some sudden urge to do something dramatic due to being overwhelmed or something bad going on. If you consider that it could potentially be a positive thing for her this will also help to spot if it isn't.

Continuing with what others have said.  

There are reasons why people cut their own hair.  Could be stress or fear of going to a proper hairdresser.

I avoid the stress by always going to a regular barber.  Very cheap but he gets the job done.  The shop is in a market basement and has been a barbers shop for over a century.  I find the experience very relaxing.  And they know how I like it done.

This doesn't sound unusual at all.  The whole hair dresser experience and managing longer hair is in my opinion stressful and a faff.  I am better at coping with it now I am older, but when I was younger, I would scream when my mum styled my hair or when I went to the hair dressers.  I also hate the feel (and still do) of hair blowing in my face or being on my face.  Having a fringe that is getting on the long side really stresses me out as I can feel it on my eyebrows and above my eyes.  In fact, I have  hair appointment tomorrow and I always get nervous the day before.

At 13, I decided enough was enough and had my hair shaved off.  I loved it, but the bullying that followed was horrible, especially at that age when kids are particularly cruel.  So following that I didn't go to a hair dresser again for probably 8 years, at which point my hair was long straggly and a bit of a mess.  Again, went in for the brutal chop and went short.

I now have a hairdresser I can trust which eases the anxiety and has come to understand these phases I go through.  My last session I went in and said cut it all off after growing it long and maintaining it better.  She asked why and I said I couldn't cope with the feel of it and managing it, so sensibly, she suggested cutting it a bit shorter to see how I cope with it rather than go for a drastic crop.  I am glad she did as the phase has now passed (apart from my fringe driving me mad), which means I have managed to keep my hair long for the first time when going through one of these phases.

Does your daughter hate going to a hair dresser?  If you can find one she can trust who may be able to do a home visit then that might ease things.  I find making a commitment to a hair appointment helps as it stops me doing anything too dramatic myself, thus leaving it to the professionals.  It has also helped me to develop a routine in getting my hair cut and managing my hair condition better.

Yep, I do that and have no intention to ever see a hairdresser again. My hair had become shorter for a while (but always done by a professional), then things went very bad at work, the hair was getting uncomfortably long and I couldn't face going to a hairdresser. So got clippers and did it myself. It can't be longer than 12 mm because that's the second longest thingy and to do it neatly it's easiest to cut them all to the same length first (with the longest thingy), and the 12 mm is on top, the back and sides of the head are 3-9 mm. So that was a lot shorter than they had been before and when my mum saw it on Skype it was the clearest sign for her that I was going mad. I didn't have any diagnosis back then but I don't think she understands it any better now. She still asks me with a lot of disappointment if I have cut my hair again every time it is quite obvious really. Some reasons for me doing this are probably linked but it's certainly not a "symptom" because quite honestly there is nothing wrong about a woman having short hair, it's not unhealthy by any means. A 8 year old girl in the swimming pool changing room was convinced that "there is a boy in there!!!". I was completely naked! And she said it to her mum in German so mum felt quite safe and just told her that "this" is not a boy. The girl didn't want to believe it, so I told her (also in German of course) that I'm really a woman. Poor mum :) As if you would grow a willy when you cut your hair short...

My head feels amazing, especially when it's just been done. When you stroke it with your hands or the wind blows through it (without blowing strands of hair into the face!)... If you have never had your hair that short you are missing out on something ;-) She may not like the feeling of it getting longer anymore, I could totally understand that. I would say if she didn't do it out of distress in some way there is nothing you need to worry about at all, if she did, well, focus on the distress, not the hair. If you are like my mum (who is really not obsessed with people's looks) you may think cutting your hair (and that short) is a really big bad thing and you may not be able to see any reason why you would possibly do it other than medical ones, but it may be much less crazy for your daughter, and something that makes her feel rather good. It still has this effect on me, just the thought that no hairdresser will scratch my head with their hard brush, even when I try to wiggle away, then not cut it short enough for my likings and then blow it dry with their superhot hairdryer, and the whole procedure made worse with small talk. I've got a bit of a hairdresser trauma anyway because they wanted to wash my hair when I was younger and I was totally terrified of that and embarrassed my mum a lot by screaming my head off.

I've seen some list of typical things in ASD women once which mentioned short hair, not as a symptom, just a preference. I can certainly identify with that. The feel comes first, the look, well, I think it's alright and anyone who doesn't think so (apart from my mum and my friend's dad who keeps asking him if I still have this short hair - yes, it hasn't fallen off) isn't autistic and would never be overly honest to tell me, so I don't need to care, and after all it's my head. And did I mention that it feels totally amazing?

Let me know in case she has any practical questions ;-)  Youtube and practice definitely help too.