Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello there,
I really just need to vent this out and anyone have any feedback or input would be fantastic
So,
Im currently 18 and I came out as a trans guy 2 years ago and I found out that I might be autistic last year but went into denial... and only in the last few weeks have I come to realise that my whole entire life makes sense and that I am indeed so. I am making steps to get diagnosed. As with the fixation on Autism reseach (leant its why I become so fixated on topics!) I became fixated on the topic of being trans 2 years ago... like really focused. It began when I was looking to work out my sexuality because I hadn’t had any interest in relationships and all that. I leart that I am asexual which lead to leaning of gender. Now, I had always felt different and like there was “something” and to be truthful befor this discovery I hadn’t given gender or mine much thought at all. I became fixated and did hours upon hours of research which lead to a question “Am I transgender?”. I asked myself this many times and went up and down through confusion, denial and just well feelings. I eventually said I was and then proceeded to go through being male then to non binary identities and so on until... I realised/decided (Who knows) that I was indeed a trans guy. I thought this was the something, the answer. So through the following months I went through yet more confusion and changed until I decided to come out. So thats the back story if you like...
I used to see CAMHS services and it was there my counsellor first put to me “Have you considered that youre autistic?” Which as above mentioned sent me into a fixation. It was me. So Im working on accecpting that and this leads to my question/thing.
After I re thought about all of this recently I couldn’t help asking myself “Am I not trans and the something is being autistic?” And “did I just hyperfixte myself into that?”
Now im left wondering how gender and being autistic goes and what does this mean? I prefer being seen as male in ways and he/him etc but just I dont honestly feel like I really have a connection to gender. Just makes me question ya know?
I am seeing the GIC and its making me question transition? Just argh.
Anyone else had some experiences with gender?
Im so confused with all this and stuff.
Thank you in advance
I'm cis, so take my opinion here with a pinch of salt, but I think that gender confusion/apathy is a really common autistic experience. I identified as nonbinary for a long time and while I don't use that label anymore, I definitely feel a disconnect between myself and "regular" cis womanhood- I perform womanhood, and I take that role in relationships (I'm a lesbian- this also creates gender confusion), but I don't know to what extent I feel female- I just don't feel anything else either. Gender is a social construct, which us autistics tend to struggle with, so I think it's natural for us to experience gender differently that allistics. Indeed, statistically way more autistic people are trans than non-autistics. Ultimately it's up to you how you identify, but just like how I identify as a woman even though I'm apathetic to the concept, you could identify as male while being apathetic to the concept of gender. Just my two cents :)
Hey, I am also transgender MTF I’ve been thinking along the lines same as you! That’s interesting I’m waiting for my appointment for an assessment when I first heard about trans people I fixated on that and I get so into researching about hormones and how they do it etc.... I started transitioning when I was 17 I’m now 26 and have had the op
I agree - many if not most AS women feel (or are told they are) masculine and this may or may not mean you're trans. Some of my friends have transitioned but I prefer to be non-binary - totally up to you to be AS and trans - or not - or wherever your gender exploration takes you! It does annoy me that we're under so much pressure to be one or the other though. Resist the pressure and explore who you are for yourself and not to satisfy anyone else's requirement for a tidy idea of gender.
Hi I read your post, I have just started a discussion because as an autistic female I feel more masculine than feminine. I have questioned many times if I might be trans but don't think I am, I have also wondered whether I have be bisexual but don't kno. Its really confusing and to be honest I don't really have any answers.
I think anything can become a 'special interest' but i don't think that means it isn't valid. I have done some research myself on gender and sexuality a few years ago. I am female but don't particularly feel like it. And i think it's likely i'm Asexual. I'm sure you've already found this site, but it had lots of information that others reading this thread might find useful: https://www.asexuality.org/ I don't feel at all qualified to comment on transitioning but i guess just take your time with every decision. I have seen a few threads here on this sort of topic, so i do think there could be a link between Autism and not quite fitting conventional gender labels.
So it sounds like you're exploring both autism and gender at the same time? From the people I've met, there are definitely more trans people in the autistic community (that's backed up by what little research there is), and also more people who are asexual (in the sense of not experiencing sexual attraction), or genderqueer/non-binary (not identifying as either masculine or feminine), or just don't fully conform to their nominal gender (like Ladyhawke). But it's not the case that most trans people are autistic.
I have a friend who explored both at the same time, through both a local trans group exploring gender, and separately though autism groups and getting an autism diagnosis, at the same time as getting on with the rest of their (eir) life. Both were helpful. In case you've not tried anything similar, there are some unreliable online tests that might help you decide whether it's worth going for an autism diagnosis: AQ and such like here and RDOS here.
I agree with what Song said: "be the you that you are most comfortable with and if that changes over time then change it".
Nope... still self dx but mainly cause I was in denial and didn’t know
Do they know you are autistic?
Thank you for your input. It’s a tricky one tbh cause I’m having my second appointment at the end of the month... just would be a 2 year wait if I left there now or something. But thank you.
Hello and welcome.
I don't have any knowledge of trans and I'm not to keen on the labelling of gender identity especially as so many autistic people have problems in this respect. And in fact a 'different' interest in sex stuff is one of the questions they ask you about at the assessments. I am hesitant to tell you it's a fixation but want to tell you that you should just be the you that you are most comfortable with and if that changes over time then change it. Present yourself however you want to. I look odd when I go out because of the way I dress as do some other people here.