Advice please

Hi, this is my first post but I really need help. My daughter is 14 and we've always believed that she was on the spectrum but as she was high functioning and just a little 'quirky' we never realised any benefits to getting a diagnosis. The in June 2016 life started getting really tricky for her. It's a long story and it has been awful. She remains wonderful, gentle and kind a truly gorgeous person but she has suffered terrible problems since entering High School, bullying, loneliness, she was encouraged to kill herself by a 'friend' in messages. We've had police involvement, arguments with school, CAHMS and the education psychologist. They said I had a problem and needed anger management but people were still refusing to do anything because her grades were too high and she hides it so well in public but at home the anxiety was slowly killing her. My baby has now had a breakdown, she's not been in school since June, she can't dress or feed herself, she's completely crippled by anxiety and terrified by even her own sneeze. She's now medicated and not responding on a cocktail of Sertraline, Loraxepam and Resperidone. She has always suffered terrible separation anxiety when away from me and home sickness when we're away together. We've stuck to the same holiday destination for 8 years because she's comfortable there. We've always adapted to her and she's best when she's with me. There is now a lot of pressure to admit her to a specialist unit where they can be more experimental with drugs and offer intensive counselling (she's never responded to counselling in the past). I'm refusing to let her go, I'll do whatever it takes to look after her, I'll take her to day patient appointments, I'll nurse her I'll chop my arm off if it helps but they want her in for an initial 6-8 weeks assessment period when they'll then tell me how long they want to keep her. My gut tells me it would kill her and be the worse thing for her. How would she ever forgive me or me myself. My husband is starting to come round to their way of thinking. School is the issue and I'd happily home school but he doesn't agree. I need some honest advice, am I being unreasonable? Would the best thing to be to let her go? She's not responding to drugs so far. She barely speaks and simply answers 'don't know' to everything. CAHMS says she has strong autistic traits but they're not able to diagnose so they're just treating the anxiety.

Any advice?

Thank you