I have no idea what to write. Famous last words as I know that I'll be trying to slim it down by the time that I have finished.
I'm struggling, and have been since the day that I remember.
I feel overwhelmed at the moment which is making me write this post. Tomorrow I will self-refer to the local ASD service and plan to use this forum to update on progress, as I know that I personally have been looking for someone to relate to.
Without trying to be too specific, I am in my 20s and have had a very high profile role. It was brilliant, an amazing opportunity that I still cherish. But I no longer hold it. I believe my struggles were mostly to blame.
There have been many moments of red flags. I've worked for a mental health charity where the director raised in my supervision that I am too black and white. I am surprised that it wasn't suggested to me at that stage to discover this more. Instead our team did Myers Briggs tests where I scored INFP.
I'm a single gay man and have never had a relationship. I'm at the point where I don't even entertain the idea of a first date as it will not work out.
I despised the idea for a long time of living with someone, I currently lodge at someones house. They openly talk to their friends about how they're disappointed I just keep myself to myself. I go to work and I head straight to my room, something I have just always done. It is not because I don't like him, but I just can't comprehend sitting down and watching TV with him...
I struggle in jobs, I had to resign from a great opportunity last year as I was concerned about the behaviour of senior management, and that is where one of the mental health nurses mentioned that they thought I had Aspergers. I was so affected by what happened that I just couldn't let it go and move on.
I know this post is not making any sense, as I cannot make it flow, it is very hard to explain.
I did the Channel 4 ASD online test and scored very highly for anxiety, ASD and OCD. Yesterday I did the American deal with autism test and scored over 90% probability of being diagnosed with Asperger's.
I am not saying this as some sort of medal, obviously I hope that the medical route I take tomorrow will begin to clear things up. But I just want to be able to understand.
I am sure others will be able to make some sense of me!
Don't despair, you are not alone, just breathe and relax, it calms you as I do when I am in a quandary about something. Like you it was the people I work with and my family who noticed that I had 'autism'. What I suggest you do is write down a plan of action and contact the NAS helpline like I did when I went through a mental health crisis, I left my old job, gave up my antidepressants, was told off by my GP and ended up on the CMHT list.. I felt very vulnerable but I handled it and now have an official diagnosis which has improved my self confidence no end after being on anti-depressants for eighteen years. I am now coming off them, so take courage in both hands and let me know how you get on. Thinking of you at this moment in time, incidentally I work with autistic kids at a secondary school, no wonder they like me, takes one to know one. Debs xx I have also known many Gay friends who came out as Gay in the 1990's, well I thought I was gay but have come out as autistic instead,