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Hello

NAS37071
over 6 years ago

Hello there.

I have no idea what to write. Famous last words as I know that I'll be trying to slim it down by the time that I have finished.

I'm struggling, and have been since the day that I remember.

I feel overwhelmed at the moment which is making me write this post. Tomorrow I will self-refer to the local ASD service and plan to use this forum to update on progress, as I know that I personally have been looking for someone to relate to.

Without trying to be too specific, I am in my 20s and have had a very high profile role. It was brilliant, an amazing opportunity that I still cherish. But I no longer hold it. I believe my struggles were mostly to blame.

There have been many moments of red flags. I've worked for a mental health charity where the director raised in my supervision that I am too black and white. I am surprised that it wasn't suggested to me at that stage to discover this more. Instead our team did Myers Briggs tests where I scored INFP.

I'm a single gay man and have never had a relationship. I'm at the point where I don't even entertain the idea of a first date as it will not work out.

I despised the idea for a long time of living with someone, I currently lodge at someones house. They openly talk to their friends about how they're disappointed I just keep myself to myself. I go to work and I head straight to my room, something I have just always done. It is not because I don't like him, but I just can't comprehend sitting down and watching TV with him...

I struggle in jobs, I had to resign from a great opportunity last year as I was concerned about the behaviour of senior management, and that is where one of the mental health nurses mentioned that they thought I had Aspergers. I was so affected by what happened that I just couldn't let it go and move on.

I know this post is not making any sense, as I cannot make it flow, it is very hard to explain. 

I did the Channel 4 ASD online test and scored very highly for anxiety, ASD and OCD. Yesterday I did the American deal with autism test and scored over 90% probability of being diagnosed with Asperger's. 

I am not saying this as some sort of medal, obviously I hope that the medical route I take tomorrow will begin to clear things up. But I just want to be able to understand.

I am sure others will be able to make some sense of me!

Parents
  • over 6 years ago

    Your post reads fine to me, I think it flows perfectly well and I can relate (as someone recently diagnosed with Asperger's) to much of what you describe re. social difficulties and black and white thinking. 

    These things are still very difficult for me to write about, explain, and even sometimes understand despite everything I've learned about autism in the past three months. I think that's perfectly 'normal' and to be expected considering we have spent a lifetime not knowing what our 'problem' was! It's a steep learning curve but ultimately worth it, I believe. 

    Good Luck with your referral! You will find lots of people on this forum to share your experiences of all aspects of referral and diagnosis and so I hope you will return and let us all know how you get on.  

Reply
  • over 6 years ago

    Your post reads fine to me, I think it flows perfectly well and I can relate (as someone recently diagnosed with Asperger's) to much of what you describe re. social difficulties and black and white thinking. 

    These things are still very difficult for me to write about, explain, and even sometimes understand despite everything I've learned about autism in the past three months. I think that's perfectly 'normal' and to be expected considering we have spent a lifetime not knowing what our 'problem' was! It's a steep learning curve but ultimately worth it, I believe. 

    Good Luck with your referral! You will find lots of people on this forum to share your experiences of all aspects of referral and diagnosis and so I hope you will return and let us all know how you get on.  

Children
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