Hi guys, thanks for having me on this forum. I'll keep this as brief as possible. I'm not sure if I may have a very high functioning form of autism. I hope I'm just being a hypochondriac, but I just don't understand myself and the world around me and I'm getting quite tired of it all and I'd like to know if there is an answer...
I wonder if it is true based on the following;
-Happy to be alone as a young child for hours at a time.
-Have continuously made faux pas in social scenarios throughout my life - and continue to misjudge situations. I seem to keep "missing" things, signs and body language (I even have a t-shirt about it!).
-In order to get by, I have had to "manually" learn many, many things. I feel like there's always been a "barrier" between me and the world. I have a couple of friends and that's pretty much it.
-People tell my partner that I am really formal. I think that I also pick unusual and strange topics of conversation - although I can't be sure if that's anxiety.
-Display avoidant behaviours when it comes to many basic tasks (such as getting out of my car, going for a shower, completing tasks in work/academia, agreeing to do things my girlfriend wants or sometimes also eating) and I default to not taking responsibility for my behaviour, which drives my partner insane and I don't know why I do it. A possible display of PDA?
-Have genetic history. My cousins (mother's side) have autism.
-I have a repetitive diet, often eating the same meals everyday for months without getting bored - although it does happen eventually.
-Socialising - particularly if extended - is EXHAUSTING to me.
-Scored 37 on the Barren-Cohen autism/aspergers test.
-Struggled to hold down full time employment. In fact, have never really been able to and I am anxious about how I will cope with this in the future as I have been able to put it off until now (29 years old male).
-Academically gifted (Oxford TSA score's words) but I have continuously failed to engage with my academic programmes - attending about five lectures in two years and less thsn twenty in four years (although I still hold a 2:1 degree).
Am I just being crazy?
Thanks in advance for any advice. I know it must be tedious reading all of these kind of posts...!
Thanks everyone for the replies... I hope that - even if I am misguided in going down this avenue - I can at least be confident that the reason I am the way I am isn't down to this... Although on the other hand it would be something of a relief as I would REALLY like to know why I feel like there is this persistent gap between myself and everyone else's view of/approach to the world...