What if reading here makes you (me) realise how odd I am and more hopeless?

Feeling very down today and not even sure I am autistic or aspie or anything but dumb.

I took the AQ test got 24 and was in the middle of writing a reply when I thought how ridiculous I am.

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My reply:

Hello thank you the test was very interesting.
I scored 24.
I answered questions about meeting new people that I enjoyed that very much, I do.
My difficulty is meeting people again I will not recognise them and often mix up people if I think I have recognised them.
I say hello to someone and talk about what we did last time we mt and how fun it was only to be told we have never met before and they edge away in confusion from this weird person (me)
Or I blank someone to be told later that I upset the person I was talking to all day yesterday and the day before because I ignored them.

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I got  a text from a sister a few days ago telling me everyone hates me (family) I am mad everyone knows I am mad my problems are of my own making (Furious beatings physically from now deceased father from too young to remember one other sister also viciously beaten other sisters less so or not at all) 

There's no help with those old problems as I am not suicidal no mental health help anywhere unless I can pay private. 

Family are evil no point asking for truth from any of them all the type to keep things respectable for the outside world while killing each other in private.

I have read here being too honest is a problem and wow is that me.

The texts were sparked because I asked the sister to stop contacting me as i can not deal with her 2 faces and the lies she tells always making me bad and she has successfully got me written out of a relatives will and hated by extended family.

I am used to playing the family game of pretence, it is all ok say nothing and carry on.

Starting to unravel no longer able to play that game and wondering where autism comes into play.

I know I am not the norm I can not play the social niceties game of lies to wheedle round people and lie about this person to get that person to be in my team - that is how I see people behave that is how I see friendships - lying about others to get someone to dislike them and like you - is that an autism thing?

I have been told by people they think I may be slightly autistic wow did I laugh at Question number 7 in that test!!!!!

Question 7. Other people frequently tell me that what I’ve said is impolite, even though I think it is polite.

Thank you for reading now back to the happy normal face

Trouble is I am in my 50s and my children know the truth and make me face it so here I am facing it and needing direction maybe to other sites as I realise this may be a bit too heavy for here?

A daughter also has very definite autistic tendencies and is the reason I searched this group for help and information for her then read and thought too much here sounds like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Parents
  • I searched this group for help and information for her then read and thought too much here sounds like me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    That's what I like about being here.  So much of it sounds like me.  If the average NT read some of the things said on this forum, they'd think we were all completely off our rockers.  Well... I never did like rockers very much, anyway!

    Yes... we're in a minority.  And minorities always end up struggling in some way.  The gay person in a world of straights.  The black person in a world of whites.  The cat in a world of dogs.  I think it's the NT world, though, that makes us feel hopeless.  That world isn't designed for us.  We're supposed to adapt to it.  Well, sorry!  It adapts to us.  And if it refuses.... then so be it.  I'll stay here, and they can carry on thinking whatever they like about me.  At least I know I'm not hopeless. 

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