12 year old son wanting to be assessed

Hi I'm new to the forum and looking for some guidance, my son is 12, I have known for a while he is not like many other children particularly in social situations. He is great at school and has no issues conforming to very structured routines. A few months ago I realised it is very likely he has aspergers, he agrees with this and has asked us to request an assessment. In primary school staff describe him as 'quirky' and failed to realise why he was isolating himself in the playground for many years. I finally plucked up the courage to contact school and spoke to the newly appointed SENCO, I discussed my concerns and requested she refer him to CAMHS, I was very frustrated by her response as she replied 'we don't want to label him' followed by 'I halve many friends with aspergers who have never had a diagnosis. I have since spent the entire weekend with the same questions whirling around my head and feel totally isolated'. My husband is always supportive however is even more unsure as he does not want him to be bullied, labelled or for this to have an impact in later life, I feel unable to talk to him, I am finding this incredibly difficult as I am so very unsure if my son would gain anything from a diagnosis other than confirmaion. As he gets older he is adapting more and more, we still live on egg shells with his behaviour outburst although they are reducing as we are adapting to his needs and he appears settled in school. Does anyone have any advice around best way forward ? Has anyone got any older children who it has led to bullying? 

Parents
  • I am one of the many adults on this forum who got their diagnosis in later Life after years of confusion and not “getting it right”. You do have some advantage having recognised this now. There are benefits to having a diagnosis going through the education system and at work because accommodations can be made to help. Without a diagnosis this would be more difficult. If your son is  would like an assessment then I don’t see this as negative for him. You can approach your Gp and discuss it with them, it doesn’t have to be through school if you are coming against opposition. You may live in an area where there are more autistic support groups and activities which your son could participate in meeting like minded young people. I hope you will look around to see what facilities are Available ( there is a directory on the main website) and also speak to your Gp to try to get a more balanced view other than just through school. 

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