Child or Adult????

Hi,  I have a 17 year old daughter who agreed to see a Counsellor a couple of years ago as I felt this may help with her confidence and self esteem.  Unfortunately this opened a can of worms with the private counsellor getting to a point where she didn't think she could help and she advised us to see our doctor as she felt Charlotte was autistic.  The doctor referred us to children's mental health team but the wait was so long,  The gentleman we were seeing also expressed that he felt Charlotte was displaying clear signs of Autism.  As a parent I felt really guilty for not picking up on the signs but when I looked into it I could see how this made sense and I didn't just have a "difficult" child.  Eventually a couple of weeks from her 18th birthday we were seen by 2 people to diagnose for Autism, I was in one room with a lady asking me questions about  Charlotte's childhood whilst she was in the other room talking and doing some tasks which she felt were very childlike.  At the end of the 45 mins they stated that they did not feel that Charlotte was autistic, displayed some autistic tendancies but not a conclusive diagnosis.  Charlotte was distraught, she needed to know why she is diffierent to everyone.  Below I will put why she/we and others could see the signs and I really need some advice as to where to go now and how to get a second opinion and if you think I should try and get one.  As she is now 18 I am not sure about the diagnosis, would this be different for an 18 year old, I feel like I'm letting her down by not getting the help and support it seems so obvious she needs.   She starts Uni this September so want to get support asap.

  Apologies for length of this once I started it all came out !!!!!!!

The questionnaire the school filled in was scored very highly indicating autism too.

Is brilliant at putting a "mask" on things to try and cope with school, work and socialising, her own father doesn't; see or understand how she struggles.

Prefers to have things written down to understand them and see them to take them in, struggles with verbal instruction

Charlotte is extremely anxious in crowds/new places

Struggles to communicate and relate to people

Feels "different". Gets depressed with always feeling outside the crowd.

Feels like no one understands her        

Doesn't make eye contact, she sometimes looks over the persons ear to hide it so not obvious all the time. Says eye contact makes her feel extremely uncomfortable        

It's become more apparent as she has got older, out of tight routine at school or home.  Less boundaries

Always struggled in friend groups, 1 friend ok but then struggles with others

Every morning has to start exactly the same. Follows the same thing every day in order to leave the house on time and in a calm manner.  She walks so one foot is on the paving stone the other on the next so doesn't have to step on cracks.

Fidgets particularly shaking of foot when nervous or upset

Hates change, can't cope with it, need to be prepared for whats ahead

Can be insensitive  to others feelings, doesn't pick up on signs others may give out. Ok with me but not others' facial expresssions and tone of voice.

Often feels low in mood and highly anxious

Doesn't like dirty things, washing up, dish cloths etc, can't physically touch them.

Reacts to loud noises, hurts her ears, hands to cover when little

In her words the world "feels to much"