I started a new job around five months ago and have been doing okay, but I’ve now inadvertently upset a visitor - she’s being manipulative and hamming it up - and I’m fed up about it.
I’d been at my previous place for eight years and it was quite a wrench to leave.
I’m working hard to mask, but I’m doing a good job and resent the management being manipulated by this tricky neurotypical person who has form for this.
I didn’t disclose my aspergers when I applied because I don’t class myself as disabled and I’m actually very good at my job, it’s just that I’m direct and see through people who are less than honest.
I don’t know whether to just go back onto a nightshift job. Less people to upset. Not fulfilling though.
I feel your pain, I'm in a similar situation. I did disclose my Aspergers to some people and it mostly what that achieved was fairly irritating and definitely unhelpful. Similarly to yourself, I'm very capable, if I'm calm only a trained eye would ever guess I'm Aspie.
I guess I expected to be overwhelmed by the new environment and exhausted by the need to interact with lots of people, but it's delivering a lot more overwhelming than I expected.
Currently I'm off work, due to anxiety for the last 4 days, I'm kind of daunted by the prospect of going in tomorrow but I might. The short break has helped me get better perspective, I still feel very overwhelmed but I sense that if I can structure my concerns in a neurotypical compatible format I might still manage to stick it out.
My main motivation for continuing is because I don't want to accept defeat in the eye's of my kids, coupled with the actual stress of applying for jobs with the added stress of "Why did you only stay X months at your last position?".
Sorry you're suffering, Kitty. I understand the way you feel about your Asperger's, and I feel the same. I always disclose it, though, in case something crops us.
Are there likely to be any major negative repercussions for you because of this? If not, couldn't you just ride it out? You can't please everyone, after all - your managers should know that. And if this person already has form, they'll probably give you the benefit of the doubt if you're doing a good job otherwise.
Where in your life are you being manipulative and hamming it up, or where have you been?
You’re good at your job so you aren’t disabled, so why would you consider using the diagnosis now?
It’s a gift to be able to see through people who are less than honest, which is most people, so use your gift wisely, otherwise it turns in on you and causes you pain in some way. How do you know you’re using your gift wisely? Because it brings you great joy and comfort, inner confidence and peace. Most people, and I would say, most of us, are manipulative and we ham it up, at least sometimes in our lives. Some of us are successful with this approach, and it gets us what we want. This person sounds like one of them. Let them have it. Would you rather be seen by others as right, and be isolated in an un-fulfilling job, or would you rather be seen as wrong, while knowing you’re right, and having a satisfying and enjoyable job?
I’m very direct in my approach. However, since realising I’m autistic, I’m finding new ways to express myself that bring harmony, as opposed to separation. I’m only just learning and so far, I’ve had an epic fail every time I’ve attempted it. I think I’ve attempted it six times, and each time has ended up with me totally losing it with people, shouting at them and shaking all over I had so much adrenaline running through me. So it’s fair to say, I think I need to work on that and spend more time by myself! Lol!
You will come across dishonest people almost every time you come into contact with somebody. It’s how we respond to that which brings us either inner peace or inner turmoil. The choice is always ours.
Thanks for your reply.
I was in my last job for eight years and left because I wasn’t happy with the way the manager was treating me or how she was running the place.
I worked nights for the last two years and I’m probably better off out of the way tbh.
No it’s the visitor who’s hamming it up. She’s gone to management and said I’ve upset her kids by ignoring them when she brought them in. I didn’t even notice them. I was very busy and focused on what I was doing.
The visitor is doing it because she disapproves of something I have been doing for the person she visits.