Am I really THAT different.

So, I'm twenty two years old and I was recently diagnosed a few months ago but then I've never really felt like I belong,
I've made friends in the past, but we all seem to grow apart. 

I'm not sure how to go about making more, I've tried going out on night's out and stuff, as I'm "Supposed to do." at my age, like Nightclubs, and bars, pubs. 
I don't drink, nor am I allowed, so people slowly get more and more drunk, and their inhibitions go. I find myself just feeling uncomfortable.

It's not that I DONT like talking to people, it's really that I don't know how to engage certain situations, since people aren't honest.

People can say "Oh, yeah I'm fine." and I'll think "Oh okay -carries on talking-" then they just like snap and get pissy, and im like "What?" 

Nightclubs are not really that fun, if you're not drinking. (maybe its not even if you are.) but yeah, people shove past you, you get crowded in. People look at you strangely cs' you're just in the corner looking at the lights reflect on the smoke, and listening to the overwhelming loud music.

I feel like I'm losing everyone I know, that I care about. Because I don't know how to keep them in my life. 

I can't find a partner, because I don't even know who i am, and the fake persona I've used for years is slowly fading, cs' I don't want to be that person anymore, I want to be myself. But the only people that accept me as that, are my immediate family (Which isn't a complaint) but it'd be nice to have some other people.

Does anyone else experience this sort of thing, or has in the past and found a solution, cs' I'm not sure how to deal with this, and a sure answer of what to do would be amazing.

Thanks, I'm new to this community by the way, I hope I havent dragged you all down with my trivial problems. 

Parents
  • Firstly hi and welcome, I'm reasonably new here too, signed up about 6 months ago.

    I can relate to much of your story... I'm 52 now and only got my diagnosis a month ago but have suspected being aspie for a few years. I have always struggled with friendships but found the best way to make them was via hobbies/interests etc. My saving grace was learning the electric guitar and becoming very proficient at it and then meeting people though bands, gigs etc. However take me out of that context and drop the 22 year old me in a nightclub and I was hopeless. I never had any luck meeting women in nightclubs or even down the pub, I didnt get my first serious girlfriend until I was 26 and I met her in a therapy group. So be kind to yourself, 22 is still really young and you have loads of time ahead of you. Forget nightclubs awful places designed for NTs... find out things that you like doing and do them... in my early 30s I joined an activity group called Spice which had a huge range of social activities from quiz nights to very active sporty things and everything inbetween, I believe Spice are still going and have a network across the UK... just a thought. In some ways things get easier as you get older as the nightclub culture becomes less prevalent as peoples priorities change.

    Sorry my post is so rambley, hope its of some help : )

Reply
  • Firstly hi and welcome, I'm reasonably new here too, signed up about 6 months ago.

    I can relate to much of your story... I'm 52 now and only got my diagnosis a month ago but have suspected being aspie for a few years. I have always struggled with friendships but found the best way to make them was via hobbies/interests etc. My saving grace was learning the electric guitar and becoming very proficient at it and then meeting people though bands, gigs etc. However take me out of that context and drop the 22 year old me in a nightclub and I was hopeless. I never had any luck meeting women in nightclubs or even down the pub, I didnt get my first serious girlfriend until I was 26 and I met her in a therapy group. So be kind to yourself, 22 is still really young and you have loads of time ahead of you. Forget nightclubs awful places designed for NTs... find out things that you like doing and do them... in my early 30s I joined an activity group called Spice which had a huge range of social activities from quiz nights to very active sporty things and everything inbetween, I believe Spice are still going and have a network across the UK... just a thought. In some ways things get easier as you get older as the nightclub culture becomes less prevalent as peoples priorities change.

    Sorry my post is so rambley, hope its of some help : )

Children
  • Welcome Jonesy, everyone seems kind and welcoming, It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm looking to join a few clubs. - I play a 6 string Baritone Ukelele (DggBee.), and Acoustic and a tiny bit of Electric Guitar. I already attend a music group type thing, but its not that popular.  It wasn't too 'rambley' hehe, thanks for the reply. Welcome to the website.