Published on 12, July, 2020
I had an embarrassing meltdown/stim recently which was a shock to me and I can laugh about it now, but at the time it was horrible.
It's embarrassing to say, but I hope you will laugh with this.
I was a small supermarket and one of those ride-on floor cleaners with the operational beep was going round.
the beep from it echoed off and you couldn't really tell where it was, but wherever I went it seemed to be after me!
I went into a corner point of a T section, shaking, gripping my hands to prevent stimming and whispering 'don't let it get me' repeatedly, at the same time having a horrified out of body experience telling me to get a grip and pull myself together. Then there was a bottle neck at the end of the T section and it was held up, I couldn't move in case it came down that aisle following me - what to do?! gosh I felt so ridiculous!
I heard someone saying "help me! help me!" and when a staff member filling the shelves opposite came over to me, I realised it was me saying that! Oh no! Talk about wanting the ground to open up and swallow you! What do I do now! If I say I don't feel well, there will be fuss, a chair, water.... don't want that! oh no! I told her one truth, that one of those machines in another supermarket nearly knocked me flying a few weeks ago and hearing this one put me in a panic attack and asked if she'd walk me to the check out! I felt so ridiculous but she was brilliant. if I hear one of those things in a supermarket now, I walk out because I don't want to risk another meltdown!
It's funny now.
I'm not aware of having anything like that before, maybe in other ways but not like that and it's scared me because I wasn't in control, it was a vulnerable state and I have no idea what i would have done if that machine had come down that aisle. If nothing else, it has convinced me that I do need to get tested and diagnosed.
Looking back I can see more of them but not as bad as that or in that way.
it has scared me that I had a meltdown like that, but I see the funny side of it and laugh about it, but I am upset about it and worried.
I'm an adult, behaving like that in public, it's a wake up call to ask about testing.
I wouldn’t be embarrassed about it as you are not alone having such issues and it helps to share. I’ve seen myself fighting back tears and trying to get out of shops fast as I can’t cope and virtually running to the safety of my car.
Thanks I will do.
That's a good idea but I am not sure about noise cancelling, I need to know whats going on around in me in public places where I might perceive danger like the supermarket floor cleaner! It's a balancing act between blocking out things and being on alert for things! Contrary!
Judy try and understand your triggers and steer clear of them is the best advice, and if you can’t then be on the look out for them.
plus ask Santa for noise cancelling earphones!
The great sanctuary of the car, I often beat a hasty retreat to it.
thank you