So I appreciate posts like this must happen on a weekly, if not daily, basis. But I'd definitely appreciate everyone's input and stuff :) Apologies if this is in the wrong section, it just seemed to be the most fitting. I'm a 27 year old male with a "history" of anxiety, low self-esteem etc., but wondering if there's more behind it.
A little bit of background: growing up there was a lot of upheaval, parents separating, moving around a fair bit, strained relationships at times with parents... Me feeling generally at odds with the world. And until the last couple of years or so I had been thinking this was all part and parcel of the same thing - situation stuff which couldn't be helped, and my reactions to it all would be the same no matter who it happened to.
But the more I look back at it all now, I can't help but think there was more going on behind the scenes which may have resulted in me being me today (as well as possibly influencing how I tackled things at the time).
For the longest time ever I thought most of my being at odds with the world was down to my being gay and coming to terms with it, but it seems all this may have predated even the merest thought of my sexual orientation.
I have never made friends easily. Most of my "friends" are pretty much no more than acquaintances, both as a kid and as a (now 27 year old) adult. If I've ever had close friends the friendship can/has been bordering on the "too close" and in past romantic relationships (not that I've had many - currently in my 4th ever, which has been going on for about a month now) I've found it hard to make connections.
It was actually my latest ex (relationship before current) who suggested I had at the very least Asperger's traits - he was an individual with the condition himself, so I kinda took his word as having at least an inkling of knowing what he was talking about. He noted that, in particular, during conversations I'd either not be able to recognise when he'd finish talking and cut in, or else leave awkward silences when it was actually my turn to speak... He also pointed out I could be insensitive in my wordings and stubborn in terms of being unwilling to change my mind when stuck in a certain way of thinking.
Meh. Enough about that relationship before I start thinking about it too much.
I'll just go ahead and make a list of other possible traits I've noticed about myself, for the purposes of making things easier (hopefully):
So yeah, just a few things that may point to a possible diagnosis.
I appreciate turning to the internet for medical advice etc isn't the best course of action but want to get some input before I look at going down the formal diagnosis route. I don't currently feel able to share this all with anyone I know irl, but at the same time there's only so many of those tests you can take online (with varying scores) without getting some form of more personal response to everything.
At this point in time I'm not sure if I'd want to go down the "official diagnosis" route because of the amount of stigma out there - but at the same time I think if I did get a diagnosis it would make self-management easier as I'd know what to do to look after myself better, and also I'd have the ability to say to people "this is why I am the way I am" and potentially get understood by others better. Not that I don't mind being "an oddball" but there are times I feel people get fed up with it!
Any/all input would be much appreciated.
also there's no help available post diagnosis except the stuff you read online anyway unless you're under 26, and in my area it actually bars you from accessing mental health services, so diagnosis is totally pointless unless you want someone to confirm what you feel (got my diagnosis as a result of criminal stuff, didn't seek it out so not being hypochritical)
Regarding help post diagnosis, it would seem to be dependent on where you live, as I have access to post-diagnositic support via a weekly drop-in autism support group with access to a clinical psychologist and autism social workers.
I was happily self-diagnosed until a serious discriminatory incident at work pushed me onto the path of formal diagnosis. From the point of view of being protected at work, a formal diagnosis is proving to be essential in my case.